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AIBU?

Are sexy pants ever a good gift?!

28 replies

IDontDrinkTea · 15/02/2020 07:43

This thread is inspired by DH proudly presenting me with a gift bag yesterday with an Ann Summers bra and pants set inside. Red, lots of lace, massive cut out section across the bum...

I thought it was a bit of a thoughtless gift and he’s rather offended. Maybe because it’s the wrong size. Maybe because I’m breastfeeding a needy baby so this set is totally impractical and I’m also rather fed up of DD needing my body all day/most of the night so when she is in bed I just want a bit of personal space, rather than DH wanting my body too.

But then I thought about it and whenever any partner in the past has tried to buy my sexy underwear I’ve never been impressed either. It’s not a style thing as I have previously bought Ann Summers underwear for myself. I just don’t like people buying it for me I guess.

Is this just me?! Are there people out there who’d love to receive impractical, expensive underwear?!

YABU= I love receiving pants
YANBU= no thanks, much prefer to buy my own undies

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

118 votes. Final results.

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Itsseweasy · 15/02/2020 07:46

I’m with you OP. The only pants I’d ever be happy to receive would be comfy ladies boxer style with a cute print on them. Sexy undies are usually uncomfortable, impractical and pointless in my opinion!

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Ginfordinner · 15/02/2020 07:48

It sounds like the present was for him, not you.

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Bluewavescrashing · 15/02/2020 07:50

My DH wouldn't have a clue where to start and thankfully has never bought me any. I think it's very unlikely that anyone can get it right as body shapes differ so much. With a little baby too it's a bit much tbh.

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iklboo · 15/02/2020 07:53

They're a crap gift. Pretty much no thought gone into it either. More what the bloke think looks sexy rather than what you would enjoy wearing. Plus it's a gift for him, not you.

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WhoToTell · 15/02/2020 07:57

I used to work as a bra fitter for a lingerie brand during uni. So I love it when a partner buys me something special! As long as it’s something that suits me and is brought with what I like in mind rather then his likes, I think it can be a thoughtful gift.

A nice chemise is normally the safest option though! Less likely to have fit issues and can be an expensive luxury women don’t always buy for themselves.

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LolaSmiles · 15/02/2020 07:57

It depends on the context for me.

Normally I'm in the 'buy my own' camp, but DH bought me some nice lingerie one year. Attractive, but not sex related (eg no cutouts etc). I appreciated it because I'd never normally do that for myself and had previously been complaining about the state of my bras.

I think there's a difference between attractive/sexy underwear and buying underwear for sex. If he came home when I'm feeding a newborn and presented me with red lace cut out sex pants then I'd be pissed off.

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FudgeBrownie2019 · 15/02/2020 07:57

I'd always prefer to buy my own but I can see why he might think it was an acceptable gift because Valentines day is marketed in that way. Just be honest and tell him you don't like anyone's version of sexy lingerie.

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Bellyfullofbiscuits · 15/02/2020 07:57

What's wrong with getting something that he would like to see you in. They aren't an everyday thing , just fun. I would be pissed off of they weren't my size though.

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YouJustDoYou · 15/02/2020 08:00

If you as the woman love sexy underwear with large cut out parts, great! But if it's only being bought to dress up the body attached to the hole he's looking forward to cumming in...er, no. Not cool, because it's soley only for the man's gratification.

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LolaSmiles · 15/02/2020 08:00

What's wrong with getting something that he would like to see you in. They aren't an everyday thing , just fun.
She's breastfeeding a baby and is feeling exhausted from having a baby wanting 24/7 access to her.
Buying underwear he would like to see her in would come across as trying to push the fact he wants sex without having the guts to have a conversation.

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YouJustDoYou · 15/02/2020 08:00

I think there's a difference between attractive/sexy underwear and buying underwear for sex. If he came home when I'm feeding a newborn and presented me with red lace cut out sex pants then I'd be pissed off

^^This.

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Kay1341 · 15/02/2020 08:02

I like receiving them, but I like pretty and sexy underwear in general. I don't see how trying to make someone feel sexy equals as no putting any thought into it. Flowers, teddies and chocolate are hardly very personal gifts either, yet lots if folk buy them.

Obviously sex might be the last thing on your mind in that situation, but on the other hand maybe your partner thought it would be a gesture to reassure you that he finds you very attractive. But what you read into it depends on your relationship.

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Fleetheart · 15/02/2020 08:04

I like to get nice underwear as a present 💝, who doesn’t love some underwear that matches! But Anne Summers is cheap, tacky and uncomfortable, and if I had a young child and was presented some non fitting cut out knickers I would not be at all happy!

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SallyWD · 15/02/2020 08:05

I wouldn't like it. My DH has never attempted to get me sexy underwear.

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AnuvvaMuvva · 15/02/2020 08:05

My DH has bought me lingerie for Christmas, birthdays and some Valentine's Days every year. (With other presents too.) He buys tasteful stuff. I don't mind.

What I think is funny is that my weight has fluctuated a LOT over our marriage and he's never mentioned it. But the stuff he buys always fits my current size so he's clearly aware of whether my star is currently a size 14 or a 10. 😆

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AnuvvaMuvva · 15/02/2020 08:06

My arse! Not my star.

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Yabadee · 15/02/2020 08:07

I can’t even remember the last time I bought myself a bra, DP buys mine 🙈 I only have to mention in passing that I have a popped wire and there’s 3 new sets of underwear on it’s way. He loves seeing me in matching, slightly sexy underwear and loves getting me it. I don’t mind, he knows my sizes and what suits me.

I still have my matalan multipacks of big black pants that I buy myself when I just need comfortable cotton though!

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IDontDrinkTea · 15/02/2020 08:22

Maybe I should specify that although I call her a needy baby, she’s actually 11m old (a few posters mentioned newborns... she’s not that young, I think I’d have kicked him out if he’d presented me with this when she was a newborn). But she’s got a fair few stomach issues and whenever she’s having a flare up she refuses all food and reverts to exclusively breastfeeding. I can’t give up as she then just loses weight instead. So I do spend a lot of my time breastfeeding and therefore live in nursing bras.

I can’t really complain about the size being wrong as I wouldn’t even know what to buy. I’ve dropped a lot of weight, it’s been a stressful year. But it just adds to the feeling of thoughtlessness that it didn’t twig that I’m not the same size any more

OP posts:
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ItsAllTheDramaMickIJustLoveIt · 15/02/2020 08:25

It was a present for him, not for you. Creep.

Maybe though, if you wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, he was trying to show you that he still sees you as sexy and he wants to shag you but there are better and less ham fisted ways of going about that.

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ItsAllTheDramaMickIJustLoveIt · 15/02/2020 08:28

Xpost. That’s even worse somehow. No wonder you’re definitely not in the mood for tacky undies, wrong size or not.

Hope your baby’s stomach issues improve soon.

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Kay1341 · 15/02/2020 08:49

can’t really complain about the size being wrong as I wouldn’t even know what to buy. I’ve dropped a lot of weight, it’s been a stressful year. But it just adds to the feeling of thoughtlessness that it didn’t twig that I’m not the same size any more

Maybe he checked the size from the underwear you already have, if you still keep bras that previously fitted in your wardrobe?

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Bipbipbipbip · 15/02/2020 08:50

Yuck OP, that's a terrible gift that's blatantly for him. I find that "sexy" sort of underwear deeply deeply unsexy.

My DH brought me some nice underwear when we were dating which was fine. He wouldn't dare do that now because I'm not ditching my comfy bras and post birth massive knickers for any man (DS is 2).

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WaitrosesCheapestVodka · 15/02/2020 09:24

The fit is such an issue. I have a 6mo DC and I had no clue of my bra size in 'conventional' bras when I went shopping yesterday. Knicker sizes vary so much, and a tight fitting size 12 that wodges in on my hip is just not going to make me feel sexy.

We have always seen lingerie for me as a present for DH tbh. Did he get you anything else?

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OverthinkingThis · 15/02/2020 09:27

My MIL bought me lacy pants from Paris for Christmas once... Confused

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Catapillarsruletheworld · 15/02/2020 09:28

It’s an awful gift, he hasn’t thought of heya you’d like only what he wants you to wear.

Sexy underwear is right up there with coronavirus for gifts I don’t want to receive.

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