What Servers Bring to the Table

In addition to every "main event" I have been lucky enough to be selected for so far in life, waitressing and bartending have always been my lucrative side gigs. It all started innocently enough – living at home during the summer after my freshman year of college and sharing a car with my sister meant that I wasn't able to take a job that required a reliable ride to get there. The Charlie Brown's Steakhouse at the end of my block seemed like the best option to stockpile some cash for sophomore year.

I made a lot of mistakes pretty immediately upon being hired for the summer. I spilled a lemonade all over a family of four, I forgot to enter an order for the clear matriarch of a seemingly important family dinner, I delivered a well-done steak to someone who ordered theirs medium rare - the list goes on. I had to buy orthopedic inserts for my terribly out-of-fashion, catalog-ordered nonslip black shoes because I wasn't used to standing on my feet and walking around for 8 hours straight. I wished I could go back to the days where clearing the table after family dinner seemed like a gargantuan task. I left my shifts with my fingers singed from hot plates, my uniform covered in unidentifiable food, and a countdown clock in my head telling me when I would have to be back at attention for my next shift.

Waiting tables and mixing drinks is no easy task. It takes skill, patience, and concentration, not to mention extreme time-management skills. I think all too often, those who have never worked in the hospitality industry take this for granted.

Think about the best meal you ever had at a restaurant. Perhaps the food was cooked to perfection and right up your alley. Perhaps you dined at a restaurant well out of budgetary reach, but the tab was covered on your behalf, making the meal all the better. Maybe you were celebrating a major life event with the people you hold most dear, and the experience alone was enough to push this specific meal into first place.

In these circumstances described above, and the plethora of other scenarios you came up with in your head, how was the service? Was it superb? Quiet but efficient? Just satisfactory enough to not hinder your overall experience?

I would venture the guess that in the majority of the dining-out experiences you regard positively, the focus is on the food, the drinks, the company, or the occasion – with the server’s actions coming in as the glue that holds it all together, but not as the meal's crowning achievement. Right?

Now, humor me again if you will. Imagine your worst experience dining out at a restaurant. What happened? Were you seemingly forgotten about by your server? Did you have to ask several times for something to be brought to you? Did your server make mistakes or forget your order or leave you without refills or an extra side of ranch dressing for what seemed like an eternity?

In your worst dining-out experiences, what stands out? Most prominently for me, is the food of course, but more often than not, my memory of the service (or lack thereof) lingers as the real punch in the gut.

As I mentioned, I made a ton of mistakes early on in my serving career. We all do when we are starting out. Although to outsiders it seems simple, there is such a learning curve. And learn you will. I owe so much to every bar and restaurant manager I have worked for, to all the employees who I trained and who trained me, and especially to the people I have served. I learned a lot about human nature from the people who frequented my bar or table section, making small talk or not making small talk, being cordial and friendly or demanding and condescending, teaching me to never judge a book by its cover, to never buy into stereotypes, and to start each interaction as if the previous one hadn't happened.

In each bar and restaurant I have worked in, at some point every night, all of the other servers would crowd around the most frustrated server in the back of the house to hear about the table or section was really running them ragged. “What a jerk!” this makeshift audience would exclaim (often with more profanities) in response to dining parties trying to reinvent the wheel with complicated orders, strange requests, and very often, bad attitudes. Here’s a note I’ve taken to heart: rudeness gives you a reputation you do not want to have and can rarely shake.

When I was in elementary school, my parents taught me the importance of respecting everyone, regardless of their looks, abilities, interests, occupation, or the stereotype(s) that may apply. They taught me that everyone plays an important role, no matter how small that role may seem. As time goes on, I recognize just how much weight this advice carries.

I watched my mother say hello to everyone we passed in the building by name on bring-your-daughter-to-work-day, including the janitor, who she introduced me to personally. “Henry has a daughter a year younger than you, Brielle. I bet you have a lot in common!” I learned from my father to look people in the eye and to have a firm handshake, and to introduce myself to people and to develop a rapport. I remember his business associates giggling, impressed, when I stated my full name and stood up straight upon meeting them, instead of turning inward and shy. The ultimate confirmation that I have followed in my parents’ footsteps was being told by Romeo, the security officer in my office building, that I am the friendliest person in our tower of 51 floors. That is a huge accolade for someone who says good morning, wishes the staff a good weekend, and occasionally drops off the crew’s favorite donuts on my way in (two jellies and a chocolate, in case you were wondering). It makes you think about whether or not other people who work and live in this building have ever taken the time to learn his name.

When I think about the way some customers treated me while I was serving in college and grad school, I can be certain that we grew up in very different households. I can tell that their parents never mandated that “condescending” not be a tone in their repertoire, like mine did. I know they have not been in my non-stick shoes, fluttering around a five-table section making pleasantries over a Caesar salad delivery. And do you know what else I know from these interactions with these people, the ones we would gripe about behind the closed kitchen doors as the dinner rush piled in?

I know that I am a more compassionate, well-rounded, and effective employee than they would be. And I’ll tell you why.

In my days of sanitizing table tops, sweeping under chairs, and busing dishes, I picked up some very valuable skills that have served me (pun intended) enormously well so far in my professional career.

By and away, my time management skills are honed. If you have ever been a server yourself, you probably still shudder at the mere thought of being triple-sat. Managing each table’s needs while correctly pacing a meal with the chef(s) in the kitchen is a fine art, and being skilled at this takes time and practice. Your tables have to trust you as a server – they need to know that you will take care of them, and that they are a priority for you. I have mastered the honest and efficient “bear with me for a few minutes and I will be able to do X for you.” Whether that is returning with a full bread basket in a restaurant, or informing my current manager at the NBA when a deliverable will be ready, I can navigate situations with simultaneous demands extremely effectively.

I have learned the art of a great marketing campaign, and how effective personal suggestion can be if executed correctly. Which wine should you choose? I have no way of knowing your taste in wine unless you are able to tell me very succinctly, but I can certainly tell you why the Montepulciano on the menu is my all-time favorite. And why don’t we upgrade to a quartino instead of just a glass? Trust me – you will love how it pairs with this pasta that you just have to try. Giving my honest recommendations has rarely ever resulted in a customer being dissatisfied.

Unknowingly, my first stint with consulting developed while wearing an apron and restaurant branded polo. Let’s review the menu and your preferences together and decide together what works best. Need to be out by a certain time to catch a movie? Let me provide insights into what other customers in similar situations have done. Don’t see anything you like on the menu? I’m sure we can cater something to your heart’s content. Let me lend my expertise to your experience, and both will be enhanced.

Bars and restaurants are also excellent practice for working on the fly and learning to fit the situation at hand. I have mere minutes to make you like me enough to leave me a tip that I will be happy with and/or give my manager a rave review when she comes to check up on your meal. This necessitates understanding what makes you tick, and capitalizing on it. Are you wearing team apparel? Let’s talk sports. Do you have your kids with you? I’m a treasure trove of cheesy kid-friendly jokes. I can adapt like a chameleon depending on the table. This one takes creativity, because while I may be able to change my spiel, I pride myself on never being deceitful.

Bringing people together is often a nontraditional restaurant skill, but when you can do it well, you automatically win approval. When two groups are sitting next to each other at a busy bar, if I can foster conversation between them, I have done two very important things: first, I have created a community that will likely enhance both parties’ experience, and second, I have become an integral part of the relationship. This skill is huge for relationship marketing, sponsorship, and client relations. It also buys me some extra time, as I can focus on other tasks while the groups get to know each other.

Due in large part to my time in a food service uniform, I come with a proven track record for winning people’s trust and delivering on promises. Just think about how much closer your group will be to signing a deal, developing your internal talent, liaising with that client, or managing your multitude of tasks once you have me on your team!

But enough about me – think about your favorite server. Perhaps your family frequents the same Italian restaurant every weekend, or maybe you only met this server once and they left a lasting impression. What made that person stand out? Were they exceptionally nice and welcoming? Do they consistently make you feel taken care of and in good hands? Are they funny, personable, or someone you might seeing yourself being friends with?

This person has become someone you have come to respect and acknowledge, trust and appreciate, and most importantly, remember. Your relationship formed with you as the client, coming into their place of work for their help and assistance. It isn’t difficult to see how effective this person would be working for you, and having your clients feel the way you do.

The next time you are sorting through a stack of résumés, pay attention not only to the skills listed in the bullet points, but those unacknowledged people skills that set food service workers apart from the crowd. Maybe your favorite server will be your next superstar employee!

[A huge THANK YOU to those who trained me, worked with me, and helped me develop at all of the bars and restaurants I have at some point called home: Charlie Brown’s of Washington Township, NJ; TGIFriday’s of Coral Gables, FL; TGIFriday’s of Hackensack, NJ; TGIFriday’s of Temple Terrace, FL; Carrabba’s of Carrollwood, FL; Edgewood Country Club of Rivervale, NJ]