Is Feedback a Gift? Not Always.

One of the most practical pieces of advice I was given by a mentor of mine was: a good leader knows how to give and receive feedback. If done well, feedback allows us to grow, improve from our mistakes and hone in on our strengths. But if done poorly, feedback can isolate us - put us on the defensive and at odds with our allies. 

So how does one handle feedback?

In my next series of articles I’m going to explore the topic of feedback - giving feedback, receiving it, and knowing when to filter it out. This has come up in my own feedback solicitation when writing - and the responses have helped shape future topics like this one, so I thank you in advance for being willing to share your thoughts with me. 

So what can I say about feedback? A gift to be sought and received? True, but not always. All of us have likely had moments where “gift” is not the word we’d use to describe it. 

{Photo taken by Suzy Hazelwood}

For many years, the best feedback I had was that which I’d solicited myself. I’d developed the habit of conducting mock interviews and soliciting feedback before I came up for a job promotion or job interview. Had I made my points clearly? How could I improve? Did I spend too long on a particular topic, or not long enough on another?  I considered myself someone who was good at soliciting feedback, which is why I went out of my way to do so. 

Then a different opportunity for feedback arose. I was giving a presentation to a group of senior executives - it was a big deal at the time, I was leading a contract negotiation with one of our service providers, and my boss’s bosses were in the room to listen. 

{Photo taken by Fauxels}

But even as I was talking, I could feel the mood of the room shift. The executives seemed disengaged. When one asked a question, it became clear that the point I’d wanted to make wasn’t articulated. When the meeting ended, I felt it hadn’t gone as well as I’d wanted, but I couldn’t explain why. 

Instead of packing up my materials and leaving, my boss sat me down. He had feedback for me - I wasn’t prepared to hear it, and it took a minute for it to sink in. I’d spoken too long in certain places, used run-on sentences, and one part needed more preparation. And though I needed to adjust mentally to receiving that feedback, because it was immediate, and because it was from one of my allies at work - I was able to let it sink in. I could course-correct. That presentation might have not gone as well as I would have liked, but I could nail it the next time around. 

{Photo Taken by Nicola Barts}

I invite you to consider a time in your career when feedback made a difference. The key for me has been identifying those allies that can provide feedback for you, and whether you actively seek it out or are on the receiving end at a pivotal moment, knowing that their response can help course-correct for future opportunities. 

This doesn’t mean that all feedback is golden - and I will discuss in my next article how to give constructive feedback, which as leaders we are often called on to do, and how to know when to filter out unconstructive feedback - which as humans we also need to do. 

DeWayne Griffin is the Vice President & Chief Data Officer at State Farm.