Journalist Kathy Donaghy: ‘I couldn’t have known just how far from myself miscarriage would take me’

After years in Dublin, Kathy moved home to Donegal with her husband and young family. She fell pregnant soon after but suffered the first of multiple miscarriages that would push her to breaking point. Here, she writes about the anger and shame that consumed her before she finally let go of it all and found healing in the power of the sea

Journalist and writer Kathy Donaghy in Inishowen, Co Donegal. Picture: Lorcan Doherty

Kathy Donaghy

I was falling apart. It was like looking into a cracked mirror and seeing pieces of myself. It felt like I was fragmenting and taking over less space in the world. I stopped recognising this woman in front of me. Who was I? Peel away the trappings of your life — what you do, where you live — and you can get lost. Here I was, lost in a place I knew so well. Every inch of this place is carved into my soul and yet I didn’t know where I was or what I was doing here.

If I was lost before, I couldn’t have known just how far from myself miscarriage would bring me. “It’s never nothing, it’s always something and sometimes it’s everything” is what I’ve heard a bereavement midwife say about it. For me, miscarriage became all-consuming.