The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain Quotes

“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter. ’tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d druther not.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“What a hell of a heaven it will be when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“We can’t reach old age by another man’s road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“The mere knowledge of a fact is pale; but when you come to realize your fact, it takes on color. It is all the difference between hearing of a man being stabbed to the heart, and seeing it done.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“Two things which are the peculiar domain of the heart, not the mind—politics and religion. He doesn’t want to know the other side. He wants arguments and statistics for his own side, and nothing more.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“Each of us knows it all, and knows he knows it all—the rest, to a man, are fools and eluded. One man knows there is a hell, the next one knows there isn’t; one man knows monarchy is best, the next one knows it isn’t; one man knows high tariff is right, the next man knows it isn’t; one man knows there are witches, the next one knows there aren’t; one sect knows its religion is the only true one, there are sixty-four thousand five hundred million sects that know it isn’t so.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“Experience is an author’s most valuable asset; experience is the thing that puts the muscle and the breath and the warm blood into the book he writes.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“The mania for giving the Government power to meddle with the private affairs of cities or citizens is likely to cause endless trouble.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. Notebook”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“Who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it?”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“A hypocritical businessman, whose fortune had been the misfortune of many others, told Mark Twain piously, “Before I die I intend to make a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. I want to climb to the top of Mount Sinai and read the Ten Commandments aloud.”
“I have a better idea,” suggested Twain. “Why don’t you stay right at home in Boston and keep them?”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce. “Woman—An Opinion” (speech) Some”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“The average human being is a perverse creature; and when he isn’t that, he is a practical joker. The result to the other person concerned is about the same: that is, he is made to suffer.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn’t any. But this wrongs the jackass. Notebook When”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“Make it a point to do something every day that you don’t want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“Life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages.... It’s an epitome of life. The first half of it consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance. The last half consists of the chance without the capacity. Letter”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“We have to be despised by somebody whom we regard as above us or we are not happy; we have to have somebody to worship and envy or we cannot be content.”
― Alex Ayres, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain

“If a person offends you and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures. Simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“ain’t any real difference between triplets and an insurrection. “The Babies”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“As long as you’re in your right mind don’t you ever pray for twins. Twins amount to a permanent riot. And there”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“There is no such thing as “the Queen’s English.” The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares! Following the Equator”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“There’s a good spot tucked away somewhere in everybody. You’ll be a long time finding it sometimes.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“Ours is the “land of the free”—nobody denies that—nobody challenges it. (Maybe it is because we won’t let other people testify.) —Roughing It, 1872, ch. 54 (commenting on mistreatment of
Chinese in the West)”
― Alex Ayres, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain

“PLAYBOY OF THE WESTERN WORLD AND RIDERS TO THE SEA, J. M. Synge. 80pp. 0-486-27562-0 THE”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations