Wanda Pedersen's Reviews > The Gift of Fear: and Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

This was a re-read for me, purchased back at a time in my life when I was dealing with 4 or 5 creepy men who seemed to think that I owed them attention. It was quite surprising to them when I determined that I owed them nothing and acted accordingly. Thankfully most of them weren't very energetic stalkers and they weren't dreadfully intelligent, so they were easily outwitted and avoided. This author provided the good advice that kept me from getting embroiled in messy situations.

One of his most useful piece of advice is the simple statement that “No" is a complete sentence. You aren't required to explain yourself. Do not negotiate. If you give in to negotiation, you have given him control. And believe me, these situations are 99% about control. There may be sexual overtones, but it's not about sex. It's about a person who hasn't had much success in life and doesn't accept responsibility for their own shortcomings. The potential for violence is real. And the second great suggestion: avoidance is preferable to extrication. Better to avoid a bad situation than to try to get out of it.

Fear is a gift your body gives you. There's no reason to worry about something that isn't happening. If you feel real fear, you should follow your intuition/gut feelings. Turn around, get away, escape. Too many of us worry about things that will never happen, but try to talk ourselves out of real fear when we feel it. Don't let yourself be controlled by the need to be nice or polite. Get the hell away as rudely as necessary!

This was published in 1997 and some details seem sadly dated now. A new edition with advice on social media would be very helpful. Fortunately human psychology doesn't change much and the basic bones still apply. Now I am not one who normally recommends Oprah books, but I really think that every woman in North America should read this one and pay close attention. Men who have women in their lives that they care about (girlfriends, wives, mothers, daughters, nieces, etc.) could benefit from reading it too, to see what life is like for the other gender and to support us in our attempt to keep ourselves safe (and to learn not to hassle us about it).

Okay, getting off my soapbox now. Rant over.