Comedy Humor Quotes

“Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others. ”
― Ellen DeGeneres

“Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.”
― Bill Cosby

“The Wolf snarled, tensing his muscles, as if he wished he could climb the tree after the feline. "One day I will catch you on the ground, cat," he said through bared teeth. "And you won't even know I'm there until I tear your head off." "You have been saying that since before humans had fire, dog," Grimalkin replied, completely undisturbed. "You'll have to forgive me if I don't hold my breath."
- The Big Bad Wolf and Grimalkin”
― Julie Kagawa, The Iron Knight

“I like big books and I cannot lie.
You other readers can’t deny
That when a kid walks in with The Name of the Wind
Like a hardbound brick of win.
Story bling.
Wanna swipe that thing
Cause you see that boy is speeding
Right through the book he’s reading.
I’m hooked and I can’t stop pleading.
Wanna curl up with that for ages,
All thousand pages.
Reviewers tried to warn me.
But with that plot you hooked
Me like Bradley.
Ooh, crack that fat spine.
You know I wanna make you mine.
This book is stella ’cause it ain’t some quick novella.”
― Jim C. Hines

“One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.”
― Carroll Bryant

“I'm happy that I have brought laughter because I have been shown by many the value of it in so many lives, in so many ways.”
― Lucille Ball

“Today I feel like I did tomorrow.”
― Carroll Bryant

“WARD: I’ll be home in time for dinner, honey.
JUNE: Alright—I’m pregnant—Have a fine day at work, dear.

WARD exits… WARD reenters.

JUNE: Did you forget something, dear?

WARD: What did you say?
JUNE: I asked if you’d forgotten anything—”
― Benjamin R. Smith, June Cleaver Sexual Deviant

“Knowledge may be power, but half of what I know I wish I could forget.”
― Carroll Bryant

“You're sure he's not a vampire?' Claire said.'I've seen movies. They're sneaky.' She was kidding. Eve didn't smile.”
― Rachel Caine

“Blake looked around and gulped. He'd forgotten about the mess on the floor. Chamber pot shards, his
shaving kit, a towel or two...
"I... ah..." It seemed to him that it was far easier
to lie for the sake of national security than it was to his
older sister.
"Is that a bar of soap stuck to the wall?" Penelope asked.
"Um... yes, it appears to be.”
― Julia Quinn, To Catch an Heiress

“DESIRE: Trust me, if you reject love long enough you’ll forget how to accept it.”
― Alyssa Ahle, Lost and Found: a stage play

“If you ordered up a whore here, you'd probably get a theater major doing Joan Crawford as Sadie Thompson. I wonder what would happen if I ordered up a Hershey bar?" His eyes lit up for a moment. "I wonder what would happen if I ordered up a whore and a Hershey bar?”
― Kage Baker, The Graveyard Game

“A sturdy hold, but I think there's something up with the material.”
― Pete Sortwell, The Village Idiot Reviews

“One day, scientists will overtake LIGHT and crash into the DARKNESS.”
― Paul McDermott

“UNREQUITED LOVE: Look, you see me, a lonely girl having a drink. What do you do?
LOST: Avoid eye contact at all costs?
UNREQUITED LOVE: Oh come on, don’t you ever randomly flirt and find yourself falling in love with attractive young women?
LOST: I’ve forgotten how.
UNREQUITED LOVE: How peculiar.
LOST: (Struggles, trying to find the right words.) No…I mean I did once, but I’ve forgotten most things about love I guess. It just comes with the territory of losing your heart.
UNREQUITED LOVE: Wait. (Beat.) You lost your heart?
LOST: Yeah um...I lost my heart about a year ago. Filed a police report and everything, but they haven’t had any luck finding it.
UNREQUITED LOVE: But without a heart, how can you-
LOST: Love? I can’t.
UNREQUITED LOVE: Can you remember what love feels like?
LOST: (Shrugs.) Vaguely, but for the most part I don’t remember much about it. Like when couples hold hands, I don’t understand why they do that.
UNREQUITED LOVE: Must make for some lonely nights.”
― Alyssa Ahle, Lost and Found: a stage play

“UNREQUITED LOVE: Some days my body feels empty and I feel like an idiot. To care for someone with every inch of your soul, and then find out they couldn’t care less about you... It’s like being slowly stabbed in the chest by someone who enjoys murdering the innocent.
LOST: But you always seem so happy.
UNREQUITED LOVE: There’s only so much you can’t feel.”
― Alyssa Ahle, Lost and Found: a stage play

“There is no reason to hate anybody, because we came into existence, not by hate-making, but through love-making.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson, Song of a Nature Lover

“For a terrifying moment I thought he was going to hug me. Fortunately, we both remembered we were English just in time. Still...it was a close call." ~ Peter Grant”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Moon Over Soho

“We put him to the test that afternoon after the Kid woke up. I piled every weapon we had into the wagon and trucked the arsenal halfway across the San Simon Valley. One by one I fired off a round from each of the borrowed weapons and wrote down the order in which I had sent the reports. When I returned at midafternoon, we compared my notes to the Kid’s. Jack had not once failed to identify gun make and model, caliber, and brand of ammunition. He was even able to tell whether I had fired off a report with my right or left hand. Lord knows how he did that.
I, of course, had to see it for myself. We sent Pate off to the South Pass of the Dragoons and he commenced to fire off rounds at dusk. BAM! came the first report, aborning to us from the distant mountains and then quickly disintegrating into the maw of the desert sky.
“Remington forty-four,” Jack said. “Eighteen sixty-nine model.” He sat on a rock with his hands splayed over his stumpy knees and his head cocked for the next selection.
POW!
Jack pursed his lips. “Colt’s Lightning . . . forty-one caliber . . . iv’ry grips.”
BOOM!
At this report Jack chuckled. “Well, first off . . . forty-five caliber Peacemaker, seven-and-a-half-inch barrel,” he announced proudly. Then he smiled. “That ol’ dodger Pate . . . he’s a slick one, tryin’ to pull one on me.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Along with the Colt he let go with a derringer, thirty-two caliber. Sounded like it ain’t been cleaned in a while.”
I sat down next to Jack and draped my arm over his rounded shoulders. “Jack, I believe you’ve given credence to the saying that every man on this earth serves a role.”
Jack gave me a look. “ ‘Serves a roll?’ Are we in the restaurant business again?”
― Mark Warren, The Westering Trail Travesties, Five Little Known Tales of the Old West That Probably Ought to A' Stayed That Way

“CASHIER: You’re aware of the side effects of an anti-amour, right?

ETHAN: I’ve heard rumors.

CASHIER: They’re all true.

ETHAN: Wait, it actually dries up your heart?

CASHIER: Partially.

ETHAN: What?

CASHIER: Well, this tonic works the opposite way a regular one does. Instead of restoring, it destroys. When the anti-amour goes in to “cure” you, it kills a part of your heart in the process. Then there’s the other tradeoff.

ETHAN: Which is?

CASHIER: The pain will go away, but you’ll find it difficult to love as easily or strongly in the future. That leads to a new kind of pain, which I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

ETHAN: I don’t think it could be any worse than what I’m feeling right now.

CASHIER: That’s what I said before I took it.”
― Alyssa Ahle, Five Short Plays of Magical Realism

“MAYA: I like your glasses.

GARRETT: Thanks.

MAYA: Could you take them off?

GARRETT: You just said you liked them.”
― Alyssa Ahle, Five Short Plays of Magical Realism

“HUGO: If people knew the risks, they wouldn’t date.

RONNIE: Exactly. Which is why I don’t.”
― Alyssa Ahle, Five Short Plays of Magical Realism

“The Secret on How to Write Comedy


In a fashionable context, comedy is a subjective element. Making humans funny is an incredibly difficult job and developing a chunk of comedy is even more difficult. If you are an aspiring comedy writer, there is loads to be found out and Filipino concert in Las Vegas( ticklemecomedy.com) in case you lack that writing skills, there's no way you may produce an excellent comedy piece.



So how do you write stuff that is actually funny and will make everyone roll round in laughter? Are there definitely techniques on how to write comedy or steps with a view to decorate your comedic writing? Maybe these are the questions rambling around your thoughts now. Well, happily, there are some easy strategies on for writing humorous cloth.

Tips on How to Write Comedy

Like all different forms of writing, comedy writing is no one of a kind. It additionally takes exercise to get it right. Some comedic writers might also master the artwork of comedy writing with only a little exercise while a few conflict lots before getting Filipino show in Las Vegas to know it.

With that being said, every person who wants to realize the secret to writing high-quality comedy need to consider some easy pointers. Whether you come to be being funny or no longer, the most essential element is which you have discovered how to excellent write comedic cloth and are capable of produce quality comedy pieces.

To assist you emerge as a very good comedic writer, beneath are some guidelines.

• Choose the type of comedy - One tip on how to write comedic portions is to pick out the type of humor you need to exhibit. There are various forms of comedy along with slapstick, parody, dark humor, edgy humor, own family humor, dry observational humor, and plenty of others. You simply need to select one in your comedy piece and paintings on it. Failure to consciousness on one sort of humor will end result on your audience being careworn.

• Use warfare - Another golden rule is to discover the battle in anything and play on the boundaries. Professional comedic writers say that anger is frequently the middle of all comedy. But this doesn't suggest however that you need to be a raging psycho simply so one can realize the way to write comedy. This virtually approach that you got to have the ability to address a conflict in a humorous manner.

• Carefully choose your words - Successful comedic playwrights realize nicely the way to maximize the comedic impact. Obviously, they are experts in finding the funniest in everything. Choose phrases that sound funny and discover ways to tweak your paintings to give you actual funny piece.

• Know how and whilst to magnify - In comedy, "extra" is generally better. Think approximately conditions that might be funnier if things have been exaggerated a chunk. Something mildly humorous can quickly Las Vegas Filipino shows become hilarious with a little bit of embellishment.

• Timing - In comedy, timing is the whole thing. It is a totally critical component in writing comedy. You want to inject the proper joke inside the proper location and in the right time. This is in which your punch traces ought to appear. This also manner understanding whilst to end. But take word that timing depends significantly at the sort of comedy you're pursuing.

Practice makes best

After being given these few hints on how to write comedy, you need to have a terrific begin composing fine, comedic work. But as the famous adage says "Practice makes best" so preserve to exercise and work at your stuff. You don't always want to be intrinsically humorous to study comedic writing but it'll help.”
― Saima Mir

“It's not always a bad idea to burn bridges behind you... especially if you are being chased by Zombies!”
― Brian Weiner

“Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light!”
― Groucho Marx, An evening with Groucho

“A DESCRIPTED COMEDY IS MOST LIKELY A SILENT MOVIE”
― Lynn Byk, The Fearless Moral Inventory of Elsie Finch

“Awake! Sun is shining, it’s Saturday morning.
I sit up in bed with some stretching and yawning.
My beautiful wife, the love of my life,
Looks terribly grim and it signals a warning...

I ask her, “My darling, what troubles you so?”
She goes on to tell me her tale of woe.
“I’ve booked a girls’ dinner but I’ve nothing to wear!”
And now I must prepare for what she will declare.”
― Nick Bannister, The Husband Chair

“I hope she backs down, but my chances are bleak,
When I reasonably tell her, “We just went last week!”
But she fixes a stare with that world-famous glare,
As my fate is confirmed: back to The Husband Chair.”
― Nick Bannister, The Husband Chair

“I think that I’m done. Are you ready to go?”
I’m pinching myself. Could it really be so?
And when over she strolls with complete shopping goals,
My heart’s just so full that it’s quite set to blow!
My cold bitter heart warms a hundred degrees,
When she whispers, “I love you,” and gives me a squeeze.”
― Nick Bannister, The Husband Chair