Review - BBC Wimbledon team score a win in chat as Championship begins

Welcome to the annual summer excursion to Wimbledon – not so much the sound of leather on willow, but head on pillow.

It started well enough in SW19. The sun was shining, and presenter Isa Guha, who helms the daytime coverage, was all bright and breezy next to the big yellow draw on a wall of the All-England Club.

Action beckoned you thought, but the BBC had other plans: we were going to talk about tennis rather than watch it. It was a case of “chat stopped play” for the next 45 minutes.

Did you know there are 256 players in the main draw? Did you care? Did you know that we were entering a “new age” of tennis players at Wimbledon? I didn't think players were getting any younger. And on it went.

There were 19 Brits in the draw this time, the highest since 1999. I tried to warm to the stats. As the time edged towards 11am, I wanted a count of the number of strawberries already consumed. We had to know. Had there been an early run on Pimm’s? There would be in my house if they didn’t get a move on.

The BBC team on Henman Hill, which included dear Tim, mulled over everything. Only politics was spared. That was a relief.

Isa then told us excitedly that Sir David Beckham had just popped his head around the corner at SW19. He was needed in Germany surely for moral support.

One discussion didn't take place. Without either Tim Henman or possibly Andy Murray in the tournament what on earth are we going to call this big mound of grass that we’re sitting on?

A suggestion did arrive: Brit hopeful Jack Draper who had recently beaten last year's Wimbledon winner. He could even survive a nice interview with Clare Balding. They were channelling The One Show. There was even a bit with Jack's dog doing tricks. I bet he's good at fetching a tennis ball. I would have watched that.

But still no replacement for Murray Mound. What about Raducanu Reach? Or Draper’s Crossing? It could double as an American teen soap opera.

Thankfully Brit Heather Watson was called upon to hit a tennis ball, and Wimbledon finally began.

There were so many hours of sport on the TV this week that I almost managed to become a fan of the ubiquitous Susan Calman.

Indeed, I would have become a fully, paid-up supporter of Calman's Channel 5 travelogues, had she not decided to talk to her campervan so much, which incidentally is called Helen Mirren. I don't know either.

From where I'm sitting it's not a flattering comparison. As television it would have been far better if “Helen Mirren” would answer back. As it was, the famous British actress-turned-campervan was having none of her new role.

At one point Calman said to campervan Helen, “Helen, we're going somewhere we've talked about – Jersey… yes, I know.” She was clearly answering in a silent foreign language. Or we needed to play the show backwards to understand.

Susan Calman: Grand Day Out (C5, Thurs) was in the Channel Islands. She started in Jersey and found everything on the island which began with the word “Jersey”. We made it to potatoes and cows.

She went into something called an “honesty shed”, full of Jersey products. She'd been told that “slightly damp” was a good sign when it came to a bag of Royals. I hope the Palace weren’t watching.

Calman then unfurled a huge map while she talked about her love of Bergerac. OK, you can do the first interview with the new one on TV.

She finished her tour in Guernsey but disappointed by not mentioning potato peels at any point. All in all, a grand day out from Calman.

Some of our best crime dramas have been made into box sets on the iPlayer, including the excellent but at times very shouty, Waking The Dead.

If you're a fan, and there are millions, its star Trevor Eve has done a jolly piece to camera -- Trevor Eve Remembers Waking The Dead -- about why he bellowed so much at suspects and colleagues, and why it didn't come back.

Eve played Detective Superintendent Peter Boyd who struck me as a troubled soul but with a good clean-up rate. The series' low point was when his wife became a twin. It’s never a good sign.

In terms of crime drama, he said it was “up there”, which is absolutely true.

And “no”, it won’t be coming back.

Finally, Joey’s Island (Itv2, Mon), formerly Love Island, reached Casa Amor stage with another of his exes turning up, called Emma Milton. “I know her, bro,” said Joey, which will soon be the title of his new – and compelling – autobiography. We wish it well.