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Everything You Should Know About Lap Dances

Curious About Lap Dances? This Is What You Should Know Before Getting One

July 5, 2024

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Going to a strip club is undeniably an occasion for many men.

It’s become a tradition for bachelor parties and is something most men want to experience at least once in their lifetimes — some to experience the pleasures of watching babes do their thing; others to say that they experienced what’s seen by some as a male rite of passage at least once.

However, if you’ve never been to one before, there’s certain strip club etiquette you’ll need to know ahead of time to have the best experience possible — and that’s especially true when it comes to the lap dance.

While watching strippers pole-dance and strip on stage is certainly part of the appeal, getting a lap dance from one of them is much more intimate, and for many a more significant draw.

If you’re curious about how much a lap dance might cost, how to initiate one, or what not to do to stay on your dancer’s good side, you’ve come to the right place.

Here’s a rundown of what to expect when getting a lap dance, as told by former strippers and experts who frequent them.

What Is a Lap Dance?

Simply put, a lap dance is a performance performed by a dancer at a strip club while the patron is seated. During a lap dance, the dancer will make contact with you, dancing erotically in front of and on top of you while sexy music plays.

How much contact is made during a lap dance varies by local jurisdiction and community standards of where the club operates. In some locations, patrons can also touch and engage with the dancer during a lap dance. But most places don’t allow this type of contact and expect the customer to remain still and keep their hands to themself.

Dancers may be partially or fully naked, while patrons typically remain clothed. Lap dances can last anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour or more, depending on what time blocks are offered at the establishment.

Lap dances can be done on the main floor of the strip club or in a private room, typically for an additional charge. Lap dance prices vary greatly depending on the type of club you’re at, anywhere from $20 to $100 or more, depending on length of time and whether or not it’s done in a private room.

Lap Dance Etiquette

Now that you know what you’re in for, here are a few road rules to abide by on your next strip club visit.

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Unless a dancer or waitress has expressly given you permission to make physical contact — and they very rarely do — don’t even think about touching them.

“The worst type of customer is one who thinks they’re entitled to touch us just because we’re at a strip club,” says Candy, a former stripper based in Missouri. “Not only is it disrespectful, but groping us without permission is an easy way to get bounced out of the club. Security is tight at clubs for a reason.”

Ask Questions & Be Upfront About What You Want

“Don’t just awkwardly stare at us or beat around the bush — if you want a lap dance, ask for a lap dance,” Lace, a stripper based in Arizona. “While you’re at it, ask how much it costs so that there aren’t any surprises later.”

Don’t Vent About Your Personal Life

Though a lap dance can be an intimate and sensual moment, that doesn’t mean that it’s time to completely open up about your troubles to the person grinding on you.

“We don’t need to hear about how long it’s been since your wife put out while we’re in the middle of dancing for you,” says Lace. “Keep your personal stuff to yourself. We’re not here to be your free therapist.”

Be Friendly & Polite

“Don’t be the weird guy in the corner who says nothing and interacts with no one,” says James, 32, a frequent strip club goer. “Say thank you when the waitress brings you a drink, be personable with the staff, and have fun.”

Don’t Buy a Dance for Someone Who Doesn’t Want One

Even if it’s not straight-up sex, a lap dance is still a sexual experience. Which means not everyone is comfortable with having one in full view of others — or at all.

“I’ve seen this so many times at clubs where someone buys a dance for their buddy who is obviously uncomfortable with it,” says James. “The girls aren’t comfortable, the guy isn’t comfortable, and it’s just uncomfortable for other people around to see when it’s out on the floor. Just don’t do it.”

Do Tip Well

Tip the dancers on stage, the waitresses bringing you drinks, and the dancer giving you a lap dance.

“Don’t try to shake us down for more time or a free dance, either,” says Lace. “First of all, we don’t even have that kind of authority to give discounts, but you’re also asking us to work for free, which is rude.”

Not only is good tipping practice basic strip club etiquette, it’s the only way to get in the employees’ good graces. So if you ever want to feel like a beloved regular at a local joint, tipping well is Step 1.

Don’t Take Photos

Most people don’t want strangers taking pictures or videos of them while they’re working. Strippers are no different in that regard, with the added point that the nature of their work means the prospect of unsanctioned photos circulating is an even less pleasant one.

There’s nothing wrong with sex work, but until we live in a society where more people recognize that, photos of a person performing it can be used for malicious ends.

“Our bouncer once crushed a customer’s phone right in front of him because he caught him sending videos to his buddies,” says Candy. “Put your phone away, respect the rules, and live in the moment.”

Do Respect Boundaries

As with touching the dancers, the basic principles of consent don’t fly out the window simply because a strip club is a business.

“It’s within our rights to say no to a lap dance request,” says Lace. “It doesn’t happen often, and as long as you’re following the rules of the club, you likely won’t be turned down, but it’s something to be aware of. If a dancer says no, don’t push her. Move on.”

Don’t Tell Them They’re “Too Good” to Be Stripping

“This is not a compliment,” says Candy. “Coming to a strip club and acting like you’re better than us is not the flex you think it is.”

Do Shower & Look Your Best

“If you’re coming here for a lap dance and we’re going to be in close proximity to one another, you should shower and smell good,” says Lace. “Wear comfortable pants that don’t hurt us to push up against, and leave the belt at home.”

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