I’m Eloise Head - a content creator, recipe developer, bestselling author, and all-round food and fitness lover. You might know me as @Fitwaffle, or have seen some of my quick and easy recipe videos.
But I wasn’t always so comfortable with around food and for years I ate a very restrictive diet. While I was never treated medically or given a formal diagnosis for my disordered eating, looking back I can’t believe how badly I treated my body.
It began when I was 18, when I decided to lose weight for a girl’s holiday. Knowing nothing about nutrition, I cut out all foods that I believed to be ‘bad’. This included most processed foods, white bread and white potatoes.
Looking back, I struggle to understand my own thinking. I was scared that certain foods would make me put on weight, whilst others wouldn’t, which just isn’t true.
This marked the start of a year or so of obsessing about what I ate and how much I exercised. I would argue with my mum, who was very concerned about me. I remember telling her not to worry because I was being ‘healthy’. In reality, I was the total opposite, and my mental health was suffering as a result.
I would regularly do two or three high intensity fitness classes, such as spinning or boxercise, back-to-back, then have a swim.
Of course, exercise is healthy - but my attitude wasn't. I would feel immense guilt if I felt like I hadn’t done enough. I used to weigh myself at the gym every session, and if the scale hadn’t gone down, I’d exercise more and eat even less.
At the time, I simply believed that I was being ‘healthy’, so I never asked for help – and regardless, no one could have gotten through to me. I never received a formal diagnosis or treatment, probably because I never asked for help. I was very closed off.
I remember one night after 3 hours of intense activity; my dinner was a handful of tomatoes with a few sticks of cucumber and a tablespoon of hummus. I can’t even imagine starving myself like that now, it makes me feel sad for my past self.
The turning point in my relationship with food and exercise came when I was around 19 and I began a personal training course. I learned about nutrition for health, fuelling the body for exercise, and how to enjoy all foods in moderation.
My obsession with restricting foods turned into an obsession with learning more about nutrition.
I stumbled across something called ‘flexible dieting’, which helped me understand that all foods are okay in moderation - there are no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ foods - some foods are lower in calories and higher in nutrients, and vice versa, but neither should have a moral value or make you feel guilty for eating them.
Over the course of a year, I reintroduced my ‘fear foods’. Even though it was scary at first and I still had a lot of bad habits, including over exercising and weighing myself constantly, my mentality towards food was improving.
I realised I could enjoy the foods I once restricted, still achieve my goals and live a healthy lifestyle. I had a long way to go, but this was a good start.
It was also around this time that I met my (now) husband, Bernie. He has been my rock since we met when I was 19 and he’s always supported me. We are now business partners and we spend every day together. I trust that he would call me out if I started to head into a downward spiral.
My journey to finding joy in food was a long process, but very exciting. I started to enjoy the freedom of eating more and going out to restaurants again without feeling scared of what foods were on the menu.
It allowed me to remove the moral value that I once gave food. I now had the knowledge to make a balanced judgment and create a healthy diet.
I was tired of letting food and negative thoughts surrounding my body image, control my daily life. I realised I was happier, healthier, stronger, and a nicer person to be around, when I wasn’t hyper focused on how I looked or what I ate.
But it wasn’t a case of suddenly I woke up and all my bad habits had evaporated.
There were constant bumps in the road, especially in the first few years of my journey. I would love to say I flicked a switch and my mindset totally changed, but that’s far from the truth.
There were triggers, such as seeing a bad photo of myself or just generally feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.
I still have days like this, but don’t let them affect me in the same way. I acknowledge those feelings, then let them pass. I don’t restrict my food or do an extra workout like I once would have.
I still go to the gym most evenings, and for the last nine years I have been focused on weight training. It is a mental break for me and leaves me feeling strong and energised. I also love walking, whether that’s with my husband or on my own, listening to a podcast.
I am sharing my story as I hope to help others see that it’s okay to have bumps in the road, just keep moving forwards.
Other advice I can share is to only follow people on social media that use science to support their claims and promote a healthy relationship with food.
Do your own research - If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
And remember, all foods are okay in moderation. You don’t need to cut certain foods out of your diet unless you have a health condition.
But for me, most importantly, is to talk to someone you trust who will listen and help you.
Fitwaffle's Baked In One by Eloise Head (Ebury Press, £22) Photography by Faith Mason is out now.
