Grade I* ancient monuments would surely attract generous maintenance grants. If you get the I* rating you claim to deserve, I reckon you'll have no problem getting English Heritage to fork out for a couple of shirts and a decent suit. Although it might insist they actually fit you.
Oliver Chastney, Norwich
Forget leaving your house to Kensington and Chelsea council. Leave it to the National Trust. It might take you as well.
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John Airton, North Yorkshire
Loved last week's photo with umbrellas growing out of your heads. How clever of Geraldine to line you up so beautifully.
Natalie Straughen, Surrey
I hear there's a movie coming about Bernie Madoff. They'll need someone to play him. You have a similar bouffant hair style. No contest: it's you, to act and direct.
Edna Weiss, London
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Did you recommend La Réserve de Beaulieu as a joke? Our holiday was ruined by Gérard, the hotel's xenophobic megalomaniac. He makes Basil Fawlty look a saint.
Barry McKay, Berkshire
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