Who’ll be sleeping in my bed?

“Lots of tourists are going to be flooding in for the wedding,” says Samantha Baden, an analyst at the property website Findaproperty.com. “The German television station RTL called us for advice — apparently, the Germans are really interested in coming, but don’t want to stay in hotels, as they feel they’ll get more cultural benefits from being in a house.”

The site estimates that homeowners could earn a total of £100m over the wedding weekend, with an average £38 per room per night. In Stockholm last year, flats were apparently let out for up to £1,700 a week when Crown Princess Victoria, heir to the Swedish throne, tied the knot. Television shows talk about finding cash in the attic, but I reckon I can find it in my bedroom, too.

Years of letting badly formed business ideas go by unexplored are behind me, as I've a way to get rich quick I visit the website of Coach House Rentals (chsrentals.com), which takes on properties, photographs them, addsestate-agent speak and marketing magic, then takes a fee from whoever rents them. On its London page, there’s a quote from Martina Navratilova: “Our rental was perfect,” she trills, having used the company during Wimbledon. “Staff were friendly and efficient. We would have no hesitation in using their services again.”

“Size is important, but relative to location,” the company says. “Whereas we’d take a one-bedroom flat in Chelsea, we wouldn’t in Chiswick.” Well, you don’t get more central than Waterloo, so my path to riches seems assured.

Surely the wedding of the century (so far, at least) is going to be a bigger deal than a mere tennis tournament?

I fill out the web form and press send. “This is easy,” I think, sitting back and counting the money that will soon be rolling in. The next day, I’ve heard nothing, and they don’t return my call. Sadly, compared with the Georgian townhouses on Sloane Square, my concrete box of 1960s compact living doesn’t seem worthy of their attention.

Still, other websites are less picky, and, like that last puppy left in a litter, my slightly less than des res just needs someone to overlook its shortcomings (ugly building, noisy neighbours). I try Airbnb.com, a website where you can offer rooms or houses for rent. As I live in central London and am offering my entire flat, rather than just one room, it estimates that I can earn up to £1,890 a month, based on a 50% occupancy rate.

This is more like it. I upload some snaps of the rooms, flesh out the details, using phrases such as “recently updated” and “well appointed”, and am advised to charge £89-£119 per night. Diana’s first-born doesn’t get married every day, I reason, so I go for £119.

I instantly become a capitalist. Years of letting my badly formed business ideas go by unexplored are behind me, as I have a way to get rich quick. I don’t have to stop at offering my flat, either. I have all sorts of skills at my disposal, and another site, istopover.com, is the perfect way to pimp myself out. With a whole section of added extras you can include with your listing — and name your price for — you just have to find somebody willing to pay.

I offer a cooked dinner (for £19pp), breakfast (£9), laundry (£9) and even a shopping service (£30). These figures, admittedly, are all arbitrary and totally without consideration of my full-time job — or, indeed, my lack of cooking experience.

“Well,” I think, romanticising how lovely it will be to run a B&B from the comfort of my own home, “these tourists will all just want an English breakfast. How hard can it be?” I daren’t even imagine what the shopping service will entail, but figure it will be something fun, personal, boutiquey. A bit like Pretty Woman.

Within 24 hours, I have my first offer, via airbnb.com. A couple from India want to stay in my flat for five days in March — not even during the royal wedding — and pay £99 a night. Again, with no thought for the practicalities, I rub my hands with glee, accept and ponder how to spend the cash.

Then a pair from Spain ask about late April. Again, I say yes, now close to handing in my notice and making a living from camping out at friends’ houses and changing the sheets for new arrivals every couple of days. After that, I seem to hit the jackpot: a couple from Florida want the place for the royal wedding weekend, and ask, via email, how much I would charge, recognising that it’s a “big time for y’all over there”.“How does £200 per night sound?” I type back furiously, plucking figures from thin air. “Yes, please!” they respond instantly, making me wish I had gone higher. “As long as you throw in breakfast and wifi.”

I’m still not sure if I’m going to go through with it. I’ve been waking up in the night, fretting over what will happen if they spill wine over my sofa, turn my Sky+ off at the wall or steal my telly. You have, of course, no guarantees and no insurance if the guests break or make off with any of your stuff.

On the other hand, I keep thinking of all the cash I could make. The royal wedding has brought us many things already: an extra bank holiday, a surprising feeling of national pride and an insane interest in the lives of the Middletons. Why shouldn’t it make us richer, too?

Others cashing in

The official range of commemorative china (and tea towels) is available at royalcollection.org.uk

Emma Bridgewater has designed a selection of royal-wedding tea towels, mugs and plates; emmabridgewater.co.uk

You can find plates, mugs and enamelled royal wedding boxes at Halcyon Days, in Mayfair, or at halcyondaysonline.com

For a tongue-in-cheek tribute, KK Outlet has plates decorated with phrases such as “Will 4 Kate 4 eva” and “Thanks for the free day off”; kkoutlet.com

The Franklin Mint has a Kate Middleton doll for £120; franklinmint.com

Ready to rent?

So far 370 of 712 Airbnb listings in London have already been booked for the Royal Wedding, and the website expects over 1,000 new listings over the next six weeks. As things get booked up though, royal wedding rates will rocket to as much as £300 per night for a one-bedroom flat. Airbnb's head of marketing Christopher Lukezic gives us his tips on how to get the most money for your home on a rental listings site.

1. Professional photos
Professional quality photos are one of the greatest ways to increase the demand for a listing. The average revenue to date for hosts in London who post their own pictures is over five times lower than those who fork out for professional snaps. Can't afford it for April? Airbnb are currently offering free professional shots to London renters. See the website for details.

2. Well written listings
A good description goes a long way to helping travelers make booking decisions. Hosts should include lots of detail, a full list of amenities and other general tourist information which will be helpful to visitors, such as distances from key attractions and tube stations.

3. Be social
You can build trust, and prove you're not a fraudster, by giving potential renters detailed information about yourself in a website user profile or a short paragraph in your property listing. Quick replies to queries also reassure renters that you mean business and your home will be a great place to stay.

4. Get feedback
Once you've secured one rental, make sure you get feedback from your tenants. All the positives will look great on your profile and attract potential tenants, and any negatives give you the chance to improve your offering. But make sure you respond publicly to negative comments with details of any changes you've made. If you haven't rented out your property but you've got friends who have, get them to recommend your listing, communucating key attributes about hosts such as cleanliness, friendliness and good hospitality.