Matt Mills, who works for a charity, and Phillip Steyn, who works in the adult care sector, both in their forties, were married on September 23, 2023, at Hengrave Hall near Bury St Edmunds in Suffolk
Phillip recalls introducing Matt to his friends at a New Year’s Eve party. Their excited response: “Oh my goodness, where have you found him?” He felt equally optimistic. Matt had moved in with him after only a month of meeting.
They met via an online dating app and had their first date at a café in Colchester. “We both like food, family and holidaying,” says Matt. They share one of the same favourite wines — Châteauneuf-du-Pape. Their second date was at a Mexican restaurant in the same city in 2013.
Until then, Phillip’s focus had been on his career in the adult care sector, where he is now an operations director. “I wasn’t worried whether or not I had a boyfriend or partner,” he says. He grew up in South Africa and came to London during his gap year. “I found my calling and didn’t go back,” he says.
Phillip was excited to share his riverside flat in Colchester with Matt. They share similar values but have different temperaments. “Phillip is a visionary,” says Matt, who is head of transformation for a charity. “I like to sit and take stock.”
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Matt adds: “Phillip is loyal, caring and loving, and will do anything at any moment for our friends and family.”
They enjoy hosting and playing card games (cribbage and canasta) with friends. Matt is a keen cook and gardener. He grew up in Essex and studied medicine at Imperial College but did not finish his degree due to ill health.
Phillip appreciates Matt’s patience and ability to keep him grounded. “Matt cares deeply about humanitarian causes and constantly wants to improve life chances for those most in need,” he says. He wanted to get married but Matt was less sure. “I didn’t ever feel like it was something that was particularly important to me,” says Matt.
In 2016, they bought a house in Suffolk. Phillip’s mother joined them from South Africa during the coronavirus pandemic. It was then that Matt’s thoughts turned to marriage. “You don’t have to be married but it is a public demonstration of the commitment that you have for each other,” he says.
Phillip designed a ring and planned to propose on a surprise trip to a favourite hotel in Colchester in 2021. After an early-morning walk along the river, they returned to their room, which had been decorated with rose petals. Phillip went down on one knee as a member of staff filmed the proposal. He had told his mother who was waiting impatiently for news. The next day, they announced their engagement to friends at their bi-annual garden party.
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“Our parents both got married in September and have both had long successful marriages,” says Phillip, explaining how they chose their wedding date. They booked Hengrave Hall, a grade I listed Tudor mansion set within 350 acres in Suffolk. Matt was project director and Phillip the artistic director. “We really like throwing parties,” says Matt.
They happened upon their wedding outfits on a trip to Venice. Matt was the first to spot his in the window of Dolce & Gabbana and then Phillip found one he liked. “We had planned on pairing outfits but we are two unique personalities,” says Phillip. “You may become one partnership but you still have your differences and these should be celebrated.”
On the day before their wedding, they hosted a garden party for 132 guests on the lawn at Hengrave. There was a string quartet, outdoor games and a hog roast. For their wedding day, they invited 125 guests to the 1pm ceremony in the banqueting hall. Phillip and Matt snuck a peek at their guests being served champagne and tea in the courtyard beforehand.
The couple walked in together to The Prince of Denmark’s March by Jeremiah Clarke. “There was a gasp and then a wonderfully affectionate round of applause,” says Matt. “We were touched by how affected our registrar was by all the love in the room.”
For their wedding breakfast, they had a “memories table” with photographs of close friends and family who have died, including one of Phillip’s father, who died in 2015. “It could sound sad, but to us it was important and not sad,” says Phillip. Another 25 guests joined the celebrations, which included a firework display set to music.
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The newlyweds’ first dance was to Gabrielle Aplin’s version of The Power of Love. They had prepped their “best people” to join them on the dance floor. “We’ve always been about friends and family,” says Phillip. “After this, our DJ moved straight into some amazingly camp and high-energy music which got everybody going.”
“Phillip is always thinking ‘What next?’ or ‘Where next’,” says Matt. “There is always an exciting thing to do, something to achieve or a place to go. Nothing is insurmountable.”