Draw a tortoise or turtle shell. Then add windows. By the time you add just one wheel at the bottom, I guarantee even if you have the worst artistic skills you will have your sketch recognised as the outline of the Volkswagen Beetle.
I am at VW’s headquarters in Wolfsburg, Germany. Waiting for me is the new Beetle. I have the good fortune to be one of the first people outside VW to have a go in it. But before I do, I have another treat. To try my hand in one of the oldest driving examples of the original Beetle.
It’s from 1938. It lives in a museum, and it is immaculate. Piano-black paint so polished that ladies could do their make-up in it. That colour black — A1 in the VW palette — is available on the new Beetle. Most cars 73 years old look like many 73-year-olds: a little dated. Not the Beetle. Its shape, its simplicity, its ease of maintenance, the Teutonic minimalism ... it’s gorgeous.
Everyone knows the outside. But I love the inside, too. Art deco dials. Cloth seats and roof lining that would fit into a modern home now. And a comfortable thin-rimmed steering wheel that transmits every sense of the handling direct to your brain. Not that it’s great handling, mind you. Remember, it’s from 1938.
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It is very light, very spindly. It’s not exactly a challenge to drive, but you’re a bit more involved with the car than when you’re in something new. And it’s not just the driving. The engine is a work of art. At college most of my friends had Beetles. They’d pick them up for $75 and tweak and tune them. No two were the same. Some made buggies from them. Some created hot rods. The Beetle was, literally, the people’s car.
Cars have now got to the point where people just want to get in and go, and not know anything about how anything works. So the new Beetle is the Beetle for the 21st century, and that means it is one you’d never dare try to fix or to hot-rod. And you shouldn’t need to.
The new Beetle is certainly a Beetle. No mistaking that. It’s a newborn child, to 1938’s Grandad Beetle. The DNA is instantly recognisable. I think VW tried to replicate the original Beetle — but within the confines of modern health and safety rules. The bumpers, then, have to be exactly so high off the ground; the beams of the headlights have to angle this way; you’ve got to have crash protection.
So, this is as close to the original shape as the health and safety brigade will allow. What you’re also getting with this new car is better performance, better fuel economy and, I’m sure, more safety. Much though I love the 1938 Volkswagen, you get hit by a lorry in that thing ... oh, my God. In the 1938 car the fuel tank is right in front of the driver. I mean, hello! It’s game over. But back in 1938 people just wanted to get somewhere quickly and efficiently, and safety was not a primary concern. Cars were as safe as they needed to be; they had a brake on each wheel, and that was about it.
The thing that astounds me about the new Beetle is the sophistication. It’s not long ago that the dual-clutch gearbox was something for supercar makers. Even Lamborghini, part of the Volkswagen family, did not have that until recently. This car will outperform most sports cars of a certain age. You put it in sport mode and everything tightens up. You put your foot down and it’s got some real power. You have got a 6500rpm red line. That’s something you did not find in previous Beetles.
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I think you could fool your wife into thinking this was a sensible car and then go and enjoy the hooligan stuff in secret. It’s like two cars in one.
To be honest, I’m a little surprised — pleasantly so. I was on the autobahn and looked down to find I was doing 220kph. That’s north of 130mph. In a Beetle! To do that kind of speed in a 1938 version you’d have to be going over a cliff. I can brag to my friends I did 130 in a Beetle. It’s good doing that in Germany. In the US I’d be writing this from a jail cell.
It handles nicely, it holds four people and it’s fun to put your foot down and feel the turbo kick in. The engine in the car I drove is twice the size of the engine in that ’38 model, with eight times the power.
The car feels very safe. Especially after you’ve driven the 1938 model. Nowadays you have to be able to hit a guy at 60mph and have him get up, laughing and thanking you. That’s how safe cars have to be. And that’s a good thing. Don’t forget, years ago, if you saw a Volkswagen rolled over, it would normally be squashed — like a bug. The bug look was cute, but those old Beetles could end up squashed like one. Nowadays when cars roll over, drivers get out and they pull out their cellphone and they have their dad come pick them up. In 1938 a cellphone was what you used to call your dad from the police station after you crashed the car.
I think geography makes a huge difference to a car’s DNA. French cars’ floaty suspension works best on French roads because they are so beautiful. German cars feel best on the fast roads of Germany. American cars, with their soft suspension, are best in America because the roads are so bad. British cars, well, ask Prince William and Kate. I mean, why are they driving Audis? We have to write to the Queen and say: “I’m sorry, but they should be driving a proper British automobile.” I loved it when they got into the Aston Martin at their wedding. I thought that was fantastic. They should do that more often.
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I understand that they are in America soon, but I don’t know whether I can get them on my show after saying that. They will probably run me over in the Audi.
Anyway, road tests in the Sixties and Seventies were much more fun and much simpler. There were some cars out there that were just dreadful. Such as the MG Midget. That overheated while you were still at the dealership. And in America car companies such as Chrysler offered only a 90-day warranty. Ninety days — and then you’re on your own, bud.
I don’t have a Volkswagen in my garage, but I did see a 1948 model for sale near me in LA that caught my eye. The owner had had it for 50 years. It was wonderful. It even had the shovel that originally came with it. It’s a model I would like to have in my garage. I was only half joking when I asked the VW people if the 1938 one I drove in Wolfsburg was for sale.
To get people’s attention you need to create something that reminds them of something. Like the Mini and the Fiat 500. I think the Beetle will do fine. I don’t think it will be a blockbuster. We had it parked on the streets in Wolfsburg and not that many people walked over and looked at it. Let’s face it, if it had been a Lamborghini or a Mercedes SLS, a crowd would have formed.
But it is a practical, intelligent choice. It has great build quality and a good amount of space, handles well and has more power than necessary. But that describes many modern cars, including Volkswagens. What makes this different is that it is the Beetle. It is one of the most famous car shapes on the planet.
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Ford does not make a 2012 Model T, but Mini, Fiat and VW prove that a mix of a good car and some emotional heartstring-pulling from their past makes people buy. It’s irrational but it’s true. I’d like a Beetle, but as much as I like the new one, I have my eye on the 1938 original in the Autostadt museum at Wolfsburg.
Jeremy Clarkson is away