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Viewing guide

THE QUEEN’S 80th BIRTHDAY BANQUET

BBC Two, 7pm

Some of us will never get rid of the image of Jennie Bond, the BBC’s former royal correspondent, buried alive and covered in rats on I’m a Celebrity . . . Get Me Out of Here! But the lady with the smiling eyes, fixed grin and fixed hair is back on royal duty for the Queen’s 80th Birthday Banquet, the culmination to the TV competition among top chefs to devise the perfect British menu. There were timbales and tantrums, pique and piquancy, eggs and egos among the 14 rival chefs. Now 350 guests at Mansion House, including the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh, will sample the starter, fish course, main course and dessert selected by public vote. Let’s hope it’s not a damp squid.

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TERRY JONES’ BARBARIANS

BBC Two, 9pm

Terry Jones’s mannerisms are still redolent of Monty Python wackiness, but there is real indignation underlying this series on the great tribal groupings that encircled the Roman Empire. In this episode he wanders the bleak wastes of the great Hungarian plain in search of that ancient combo Attila and the Huns, before following the Vandals to Carthage, which supplied the Western emperors with the grain they used to buy their citizens’ docility. Being a Hun, it seems, was a matter of anti-Roman lifestyle choice rather than ethnicity, as they ran the ancient world’s greatest protection racket. The Vandals, by contrast, were poetry- scribbling pussycats, far less bloodthirsty than the Romans themselves. Never trust a Roman historian, says Jones.

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THE FRIDAY NIGHT PROJECT

Channel 4, 10.30pm

With different guest presenters every week, Channel 4’s amiably daft post-pub show got a shot in the arm when the double act of Alan Carr and Justin Lee Collins replaced the more acrid humour of Jimmy Carr (no relation) last year — so much so that the episode presented by Billie Piper won the Rose d’Or for Variety at Montreux, beating Friday Night with Jonathan Ross and The X Factor. Now it returns to try to hold the audience in the slot between the Big Brother live eviction and the appearance of the evictee in the seat facing Davina McCall’s ever-swelling abdomen. Jerry Springer (the real one, not the opera) is the first guest to introduce the sketches, games and suchlike juvenilia.

Multichannel choice

Angus Batey

AMAZON GAMES

Sky Travel, 6pm

The Indigenous Games, held annually in Brazil, attract more than 800 competitors from 30 different peoples. The games themselves are based on activities by which aboriginal peoples have survived over generations, hunting chief among them as events such as spear throwing and archery attest. This film follows two tribes as they prepare to compete at the event.

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THE WEST WING

More4, 9pm

As election day looms, The West Wing removes all pretence that it was ever just a drama show about a fictional US President (no fewer than four of the actors depicted in the opening credits don’t appear in this episode), and instead sets out its stall as a dramatised yet almost forensic examination of the American political process.

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Tonight the campaign by Matt Santos (Jimmy Smits) is the focus as it heads into the last few days of his bid for the Oval Office. There is a guest appearance from Jon Bon Jovi, allowing himself to be portrayed, as part of a Rock the Vote initiative, as another cog in the vote-gathering machine as it rumbles ominously onwards.

THE OSCAR PETERSON TRIO

Artsworld, 9pm

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Filmed during his 2004 appearance at the Montreal Jazz Festival, this concert finds the veteran jazz pianist on top form.

THE REAL JAG

History Channel, 9pm

Not a documentary about John Prescott (though The Real Two Jags is surely but a creative commissioning editor away), this new series goes behind the scenes with the American military’s internal watchdog, the Judge Advocate General Corps. These soldier-lawyers investigate internal problems of military discipline and run courts martial at home, then parachute into battle zones to make sure war is being fought by the book.

LEGENDS OF CRICKET

ESPN Classic, 9pm

Viewers of Sky’s cricket coverage will have seen some of this excellent series, which tonight begins a complete run on ESPN Classic. A panel of experts was asked to name the greatest players of all time, a Top 100 was compiled from their votes, and a programme made about each. Around the highlights, cricketing luminaries explain each icon’s importance and a career is put into proper perspective.

A US production, it lacks access to BBC archives and tonight’s double helping, about the great friends and cricketing behemoths Ian Botham and Viv Richards, is missing some key in-game action. But the analyses are perceptive, the stories well worth telling, and the cricket on show is still heavenly.

EFFIN ESTATES

Men and Motors, 12.05am

First shown by Channel 4 four years ago, this six-part comedy follows the extreme goings-on at a South London estate agency, where sex, death and drugs are as much a part of work as lettings.

WORLD CUP WATCH

ARGENTINA v SERBIA & MONTENEGRO

BBC One, 1.40pm/UKTV G2, 1pm (Kick-off 2pm)

Serbia & Montenegro were comfortably beaten by the Dutch on Sunday. How will they cope against a forward line that features Chelsea’s Hernán Crespo and the teenage prodigy Lionel Messi of Barcelona? Argentina’s counter-attacks brought Ivory Coast to their knees, so the omens aren’t great.

HOLLAND v IVORY COAST

ITV1, 4.30pm (Kick-off 5pm)

Ivory Coast’s flowing game will win many friends at this World Cup, although their brimming confidence took a knock from the Argies on Saturday. Marco van Basten’s players will prove another tough test for them.

MEXICO v ANGOLA

ITV1, 7.30pm (Kick-off 8pm)

The Black Antelopes were given little chance of progress at their first World Cup, so defeat in their game to Portugal was hardly a surprise. Mexico, coached by the irascible madcap Richard La Volpe, looked highly impressive in their 3-1 victory over Iran and are likely to send their partying fans on another all-night bender.