“I think I can do more for gay and lesbian folk in the Church by being a good bishop than by being the gay bishop”
CANON GENE ROBINSON, WHOSE APPOINTMENT AS THE FIRST OPENLY GAY BISHOP IN THE AMERICAN ANGLICAN CHURCH HAS BEEN CONFIRMED BY THE CHURCH’S HOUSE OF DEPUTIES
“It wasn’t East Berlin, you know. It’s only up the M4”
COMIC ROB BRYDON, ON HOW HE MANAGED TO ESCAPE LONDON TO LIVE IN WALES
“It is terrifying to think of rural Britain being one great manicured lawn”
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A SPOKESMAN FOR THE COUNTRYSIDE ALLIANCE, WHICH IS CONCERNED THAT INCREASING NUMBERS OF FARMS ARE BEING BOUGHT BY CITY TYPES WHO HAVE NO INTENTION OF WORKING THE LAND THEMSELVES
“It’s a catchy tune and an eccentric performance”
A SPOKESMAN FOR RADIO 1 IN IBIZA, WHERE CHERIE BLAIR’S RECENT IMPROMPTU RENDITION OF THE BEATLES’ WHEN I’M 64 HAS BEEN REMIXED INTO A HUGE DANCEFLOOR HIT
Mr Floppy
HEADLINE ON THE PORTMAN GROUP’S “RESPECT ALCOHOL, RESPECT YOURSELF” SUMMER POSTER CAMPAIGN, WHICH HOPES TO EDUCATE HEAVY DRINKERS ABOUT THE EFFECTS OF EXCESSIVE DRINKING AND UNSAFE SEX
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“We now have higher rates of TB in London than in places such as Azerbaijan”
DR LIAM FOX, SHADOW HEALTH SECRETARY, WANTS TO INTRODUCE COMPULSORY HEALTH SCREENINGS FOR IMMIGRANTS AND ASYLUM- SEEKERS IN AN ATTEMPT TO QUELL THE SOARING RATES OF IMPORTED INFECTIOUS DISEASES