I need a summer playlist.
The thing is, prime minister, that’s just not going to work.
What? Justin Trudeau has just released his one on Spotify. Barack Obama had two. The British public need a Theresa May summer playlist, surely?
Well, it’s just that Barack and Justin, they’re kind of . . . cool. Trudeau includes REM’s Everybody Hurts in his list, and everyone just thinks he had his heart broken in the 1990s. With you they’d make Brexit jokes. Trudeau puts Mad World on his list and bearded men around the world listen in respect, doing that little fake nodding that music nerds do. With you they’d make Brexit jokes. Trudeau puts Now We Are Free on his, with you they would make . . .
Enough. I get it.
And then there are the “black tapes” that Donald Trump nearly released, showing the playlist he listened to all summer. That all had to be hushed up.
Why?
The sound of a Vladimir Putin impersonator crooning “I love you, big Don” over a backing trap of 200 lingerie models releasing their bras? It was freaking everyone out. Now you can only get it bootleg.
I see. You’ve completely made that up, haven’t you? Look, I did not pop out of some kind of political-robot factory. I had a youth. I had my 1980s. I have a hinterland. I have a playlist of my life.
Nah. Nobody’s going to believe that.
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I haven’t even told you what I listen to. Brass band medleys spliced with the inspirational proverbs you get on tea towels in the gift shops of British cathedrals . . .
I don’t need to hear it. See, prime minister, there’s something else. Yes, women become world leaders, but equality can only go so far. Women don’t make mix tapes. It’s a guy thing. Nothing we can do to change it. It’s the law. Sorry.
“Sorry, is all that you can’t say” — by Tracy Chapman? I was going to include that!
Brexit jokes?
Oh yes. Sorry.
