Yesterday was “an opportunity for the starting XV and match-day squad to lay down a marker”... “to get the tour off to a good start”... and for individuals to “lay down a marker for others to follow”. These were some of head coach Warren Gatland’s words ahead of the first game against the little-knowns of New Zealand rugby, the provincial Barbarians. I don’t know what these markers are but the British & Irish Lions should definitely jettison them; it is far better to learn to turn two-on-one opportunities into tries. Anyway, it is not as if a single one of them was laid down in the far north of New Zealand.
The tour did not get off to a good start despite the Panglossian take of Sam Warburton, who was proud of a defence that restricted a bunch of semi-professionals to one try. Collective and individual markers were left in the team hotel, or maybe the training ground where we conveniently cannot see the good work being done. The same training ground where the strike moves are being perfectly honed and hidden from prying Kiwi and media eyes. Ah, but there is jet lag. That is surely a good excuse for this lamentable opening effort. Well, no. “Talk of jet lag is out of proportion. We have a big squad and quality players.” So said the captain two days before this scrambled opening win.
This was the same press conference where an amiable Gatland joked about the presence of his son in the New Zealand Provincial Barbarians side. “I’ll be able to say both of us have played against the Lions but only one of us has won: I desperately hope that stays the case.” We dutifully took our notes and laughed, none thinking the Lions would be defending in their own 22, and only six points up with two minutes left. There were also few signs of authoritative examples or standards for others to follow.
Taulupe Faletau, Kyle Sinckler, Ben Te’o, Ross Moriarty and the replacement Owen Farrell were the exceptions. Collectively it was crass. The head coach reminded us how much the Lions struggled against the cobbled-together Royal XV at Rustenburg in 2009. That 37-25 victory was conclusive in comparison. This one was a given: even the coach of the Barbarian team, Clayton McMillan, talked only of gaining respect, not of winning, in the pre-match televised build-up. The bookmakers gave this little-known team a 36.5 start; the hosts covered the bet with more than four converted tries to spare.
We can deduce that these players are better than we thought, but the reality remains that they are not. They are exactly what the billing says: good rugby players on the fringes, but nowhere near the centre of the game in New Zealand. These were not fledgling stars; more honest professionals. Perhaps the Lions were simply using the glare of the media to deceive the rugby world. Behind closed doors they are running and passing, swerving and stepping like so many 21st-century equivalents of Gareth Edwards and Barry John. Perhaps they deliberately played so poorly that the All Blacks would dismiss them: perhaps all of these explanations are possible.
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Possible, but far from probable. More likely is that Captain Sam was putting a brave face on the jet lag. Their five hours’ kip in Melbourne was not the panacea for the nightmare that is the journey from London to Auckland, and this is my greatest hope. It’s not even as if the Lions can claim to be underprepared, relative to yesterday’s scratch opposition. The Barbarians have been together a week; the core of yesterday’s side a fortnight. Nor were they tired. As soon as they hooked up with the best of British and Irish, they trained as if entirely fresh. At least three Lions coaches have confirmed that fact to me.
The likeliest analysis for these abject 80 minutes is that this was — put quite simply — a pathetic performance. And the only antidote to more of the same is a good healthy bout of panic. One member of our Sky Sports panel back in London said there was no need to panic, but I beg to differ. Panic is a healthy emotion. When something big and scary is closing in on you, the best way to survive is not to play it cool, but to run like hell. The hair on the back of the neck rises for a reason. There’s a sense of danger.
If the management think that there is no cause for concern, then they are either misleading us or they have entirely lost the plot. Yesterday was more than a matter of keeping a few tricks up red sleeves. It was an entirely amorphous effort, with a lack of variety behind the scrum, a simplistic one-out carrying game, and a pair of half-backs moving as though they were weighed down with lead and not the gold with which a desperately out-of-touch Johnny Sexton once glittered and gleamed. The Lions have limited time together. Pulling together players from different countries, from different cultures, comes with difficulties. The need to keep it simple is part of the perceived wisdom of the Lions, and there is much in the theory. But if what we saw was something akin to the Lions’ game plan, it would be better to ditch it, and then to come up with an equally simple, but far more efficient one.
The management wants “internal harmony”, with everyone given a chance to play their way into the squad. What they need are the best players to bond quickly under match pressures.
It is too early to dismiss the British & Irish Lions, but without a significant wake-up call, and without some sweaty nightmares and managerial goose bumps, this team is surely going gently into the All Black New Zealand night.
