Russell & Bromley is claiming that after Harry stepped out in a pair of their Chuk boots on his Jamaican tour, men have been putting their names on waiting lists for a pair. This might be the first recorded case of middle-England man fighting over celebrity-endorsed footwear, but it’s just another example of men behaving differently. Last week I totted up the things that haven’t changed about women since I started writing this column. Now, it seems only right to draw up a list of 10 things about men that have definitely changed, before calling it a day.
1 Their attitude to food For generations women have been the only thing standing in the way of men scoffing themselves into an early grave on Ginsters pies, but now men are the food Nazis. You have to deface the sell-by dates to get past them, and pretend the chicken’s organic. They make stock all the time and want to go on knife skills courses. (But they’re still mugs for two-for-one offers.)
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2 Their attitude to dieting Once, you could not tell a bloke that chips were fattening. Now they know about wasted calories, good and bad fats, and several of them have forsworn carbs. (But they still believe booze burns calories faster.)
3 Their expectations of body hair The next generation is growing up innocent of the existence of female pubic hair. The older ones have learnt to be prepared for anything — from postage stamp to full Puck furry shorts — but are wise enough to claim it’s all the same to them. (Most still draw the line at a moustache.)
4 Their appreciation of fashion All men now know about bags with names, where the red-soled heels come from, who Karl Lagerfeld is, and why it is acceptable to spend £140 on jeans. They’ve also discovered designer swimming trunks and wrist bands. (Still can’t take Gok Wan.)
5 Their new-found enthusiasm for fatherhood Beckham, admitting he wells up in the presence of baby Harper, would once have been treated as a joke, but now men are soppy about their kids; they want to be at their two-year-old’s birthday party and envy their partner’s maternity leave.
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(Though mainly they want a break from work.)
6 Their reliance on sat nav Prior to satellite navigation, men were very weird about asking for directions. Should they take a wrong turn, you simply had to grit your teeth while they threw some speed at the problem. Now a source of male performance anxiety has been removed for ever. (But they still can’t ask for assistance from a man.)
7 Their discovery of the joys of sharing Thanks to the social networking revolution, men like footballer Joey “I love Foals” Barton are putting their feelings out there, and loving it. (Still not so good face to face.)
8 Their discovery of statement facial hair The choice used to be designer stubble, clean shaven or commander of a Russian sub. Now there’s a beard for every mood change: rough explorer’s beard — I’m having a crisis; Ryan Gosling semi beard — I want to look like Ryan Gosling. (They still hate the hairdresser).
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9 No longer being the drunkest For years now, men have looked stone cold sober in comparison with women and have had to get used to breaking up girl fights, carrying their wives home and staying up until 3am being harangued. (Still able to sleep in their shoes.)
10 Not necessarily being the bigger wage earner We thought they’d balk at having their main breadwinner status downgraded, but no, they rather like it. Especially now they know the price of a full head of highlights. (Still outraged by how much we’ll spend on “another identical” pair of ankle boots.)
On balance, they’ve come a long way.