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The trouble with women: they roll over far too easily

Robert, 36, entrepreneur says women should encourage men to prove their worth

Men want to fight for the love of women, but most girls only put up a vague defence and then roll over far too easily.

I recently found an exception that seemed so promising. This amazing girl made it abundantly clear that she was independent and not desperate to find a boyfriend to complete her. From a distance, we started engaging in a playful dance. I was being forced to chase, and it was exciting every time she agreed to my invitation. Even after we kissed, it was still very clear that the challenge was on.

It didn't last, though. Very quickly, she gave herself to me. She was suddenly convinced I was the one, despite not having reached that point of deep understanding. I'd geared myself up to go into battle, but before I'd started to try, the war was won.

I'd thought it would take my very best to fight for her, that I'd grow as a person, and that the ultimate prize was a lifetime of getting to know someone extraordinary. As it was, it just grew less and less interesting. As soon as I'd taken the bait, she flipped and tried to turn me into a husband. It only exposed her insecurities.

A man's self-esteem is directly tied to who he's capable of winning. Men want to feel they've stepped up to a certain league. Victory is hugely satisfying. We need a return to courtly love, where a man has to prove himself continually.

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I'm not talking about closed girls you have to unpick, but someone who knows that for them to engage, you have to engage yourself fully to win them. Most girls are too scared to engage properly, and they date men like it's a job interview - not fun for anyone. Women should be encouraging men to prove they have the depth of character to win them, not merely the bank balance, job and car.

Instead, most men think they only need to get to the third date to sleep with a girl, then the girl will fall for them, and then they can get serious. It's such a disappointing prize and the quick end will not find the right person. A girl who says, "I'm worth courting", is much more interesting. If I were a girl, I'd demand more.

Send your story to troublewithwomen@sunday-times.co.uk