The top 10 wacky festive events

Competing over a dizzying array of challenges, there will be no excuses for mistakes as the teams tackle routine tasks such as chimney climbing (without a real fire), zipfybob racing and snow sculpturing. There is even a geography quiz, testing the Santas’ knowledge of place names.

The top teams then proceed to the final for three more challenges including the Santa Karaoke, obviously at the top of any Santa Claus job description, where the onus will be on singing the least out of tune. Oddly, Santas don’t get a chance to demonstrate their mince pie eating credentials. What sort of Santa Clauses do they have in Switzerland anyway?

Location: Samnaun, Switzerland
Date: November 27th to 28th
Further Information: www.clauwau.com

Festive running races

Instead of waiting until the New Year to start exercising, why not pre-empt the gastronomic overload and enter a Santa Dash, a Reindeer Run or even a Snowman Shuffle over the next month or so. All around the UK, town and city centres become awash in a sea of red and white as thousands of odd looking Father Christmases struggle around courses, usually no more than 5km, to raise money for charity. If you enter a festive run don’t count on any help from Rudolph and save the hearty ’Ho, Ho, Ho’s!’ until the home straight.

Meanwhile, the bigger cities around the world (including Las Vegas and Liverpool) are adding some extra excitement to this years Santa runs, with ambitions to break the world record for most Santa Clauses in a running race, a distinction once held by the Welsh town of Newtown. Sadly, 2009 is the last year that Newtown will host a santa run, but why not support their final bid to win back the record.

Boston, USA appears to be taking the concept of festive running to even greater extremes with their Santa Speedo run, which sees runners donning Christmas hats and pairs of skimpy swimming trunks, red of course and not a lot else. Expect fast times if it’s a very cold day.

Location: Various locations around the world
Date: From late November
Further Information: www.santadash.co.uk

Christmas Day Dip

There are less stupid ways to escape the family over Christmas, but few can be as adrenalin pumping as a plunge into an icy cold sea, as demonstrated by the thousands of brave souls who habitually descend on beaches on Christmas morning.

Wearing little more than a pair of trunks or a bikini - plus the odd piece of cunningly placed tinsel - there is a pathetic attempt of ‘We wish you a Merry Christmas’ (drowned out by the chattering teeth) before a mass sprint into the freezing water, accompanied by a chorus of loud shrieks.

After thrashing around for a brief few seconds, everyone stumbles back out, sporting massive grins and a serious goose bump affliction. Most seaside resorts host festive swims, with special mention to Exmouth, Brighton, Bournemouth, Hunstanton and Porthcawl.

There are even more chilly dips on New Years Day, including the legendary Loonydook, near Edinburgh, should you actually want to repeat the experience. Don’t forget to pack the hot chocolate!

Location: Various
Date: Christmas Day
Further Information: www.outdoorswimming
society.com

Bakers and Sweeps Flour and Soot Football Massacre

Blind goalkeepers, alcoholic drinks at half time for the players and moving goalposts – football doesn’t get much better than this. Now in its 101st year, the charity match pits the Bakers against the Sweeps and those who make the trip to Waltham Cross will soon realise that this is no ordinary game once they set eyes on the gunge tank, paddling pool and portable toilet that litter the pitch.

For a few seconds at least, there is a semblance of normality, with wayward tackles, speculative punts up field and abuse dished out at the referee, who unwisely dresses as Santa Claus. It doesn’t take long though for the game to live up to its name, with aerial bombardments of flour and soot along with other crazy antics such as cling-filming the opposition’s goal.

To maintain the high tempo of chaos throughout, there are 12 official rules, including, ‘anybody concealing the ball will be classed as the ball and treated in the same manner!’ and ‘only 40 players maximum per side.’

The highlight is the match ball, which gradually increases in size, from a rugby ball to a very awkward space hopper, until the climax, when a seven-foot inflatable ball enters the foray. You have to see it to believe it. Don’t expect this to catch on in the Premiership, especially for teams with an aversion to red beach balls!

Location: Waltham Cross Playing fields, Waltham Cross, Hertfordshire
Date: Boxing Day
Further Information: www.freewebs.com/bakersandsweeps

Matlock Raft Race

There are raft races and then there is the Matlock Raft Race, a challenging four-mile course along the River Derwent and arguably the crème de la crème of daft boat contests. Right from the off, expect plenty of action as teams on faster, streamlined rafts paddle furiously to be the first to finish.

Whilst the fun, less sturdy entries (if they can stay afloat) compensate for their lack of speed with impromptu entertainment, exchanging flour bombs and firing water cannons at unsuspecting spectators as they drift downstream.

In case spectators get the impression that this raft race is anything but remarkable, nearing the end of the course the teams have their Titantic moment when the dreaded Masson Mill weir looms into view. The weir dissects the river with an ominous fall of thirty foot on the other side.

The crowds gather along the banks here hoping for a few calamities and are not disappointed as raft after raft flip over, tossing their passengers into the freezing water (don’t worry, everyone wears wetsuits).

Hilarious to watch, but not much fun for those now clambering back on to their rafts to complete the remainder of the course, hopefully without further mishap. Rafts disguised as a Boxing ring, a hamster wheel and even a floating barbeque (with the team selling soggy burgers along the course) have all attempted the race in past years. How outrageous will the rafts be in 2009?

Location: Matlock, Derbyshire
Date: Boxing Day
Further Information: www.dasac.co.uk

Also on Boxing Day, there is the Pagham Pram Race, Sussex, the oldest continual pram race in the world, first taking place in 1946! Further details at www.paghampramrace.com

Maldon Mud Race

A 400-metre jog doesn’t sound particularly challenging, but then again not many races involve negotiating a river and plenty of mud, and not your run of the mill mud, but thick, squelchy, knee deep mud.

Add into the mix some wintry conditions and the lingering ill effects of too much Christmas turkey and you may want to think twice before entering. However every year over 200 competitors still start the race, taking on average fifteen minutes to get around.

While the fitter entrants stride precariously forward on tiptoe, lest trapped feet impede their progress, the rest of the field inevitably resort to moving on all fours and a few even end up crawling on their bellies towards the end.

If you are entering this year, you should wear as little as possible (without catching pneumonia), aim to reach the notorious mud bank at the front and tape shoes very securely to avoid losing them in the mud.

Everyone who finishes the course is caked head to foot in mud, but thankfully there are showers at the finish, albeit freezing ones. Whatever you do, avoid the humiliating fate that befalls at least one entrant every year, when officials bring out the dreaded tow rope.

Location: Maldon, Essex
Date: Sunday, December 27
Further information: www.maldonmudrace.com

Hoars Cross Downhill Soapbox Competition

A crazy Christmas wouldn’t be complete without a wacky race, and they don’t come much wackier than this one, which pits an outlandish assortment of home made karts against the laws of gravity. Around 50 teams tackle the charity soapbox competition each year, hoping to either achieve the fastest time down the half-mile course, with the current course record a rapid 54 seconds, or reach the bottom in one piece, which many fail to do spectacularly.

The soapboxes, built from scrap materials, must have four wheels, be motor-less and have some form of braking system. After a hard push at the top, the soapboxes rely on momentum and some Jenson Button steering, as they swerve down the hill, avoiding both hedgerows and squeezing through makeshift chicanes.

The fastest soapboxes attain speeds of over 30 mph, whilst the extravagantly decorated entries inevitably struggle to make much progress owing to their unwieldy designs, with a catastrophe waiting to happen at every turn. There are also prizes for the shortest distance travelled, the best design and the award nobody wants to win, the best crash.

Location: Hoars Cross, Staffordshire
Date: Wednesday 30th December
Further information: www.mad.com

Stonehaven fireballs

If you have a burning desire to experience a spectacular Hogmanay tradition, then head to Stonehaven where the locals banish the evil spirits and welcome in the New Year with an awe-inspiring display of fireball swinging. The fireballs, about forty in total, are homemade devices made from flammable material such as wood, coal, old cloths and pinecones (plus the odd secret ingredient), then soaked in paraffin and strapped inside a mesh of chicken wire.

Just before midnight, the fireballs are set alight, and with the aid of a long metal handle, the swingers proceed to walk up and down one of the town’s main streets whilst swinging their spherical conflagration around their body.

Those with more experience and strength, swing with extra gusto, sending their fireballs arcing worryingly close to the terrified crowds, hemmed in on both sides of the street. After twenty minutes or so, the now exhausted swingers make their way to the harbour for the final, sombre act, where they toss the still glowing fireballs into the sea. A brief fireworks display cuts short any melancholy before everyone heads back off to the pub to raise yet more spirits.

Location: Stonehaven, Scotland
Date: New Years Eve
Further Information: www.stonehavenfireballs.co.uk

Mapleton Bridge Jump

How’s this for the ultimate hang over cure. Teams of two compete in an alternative triathlon involving a short raft race, a bridge jump and a quick sprint. But it is the middle discipline that brings out spectators in their hoards and leaves competitors trembling with fear.

After surviving the weir and minor turbulence in the river, the teams race to the bridge and proceed one by one to jump off lemming-like, plummeting 30 foot into a pool of freezing river water. Most competitors make the jump the instant their feet touch the top of the bridge, though it’s not unknown for some to over-linger, dwelling on their impending doom before either jumping anyway or backing out to a chorus of boos.

After the jump and safe, swift exit from the river, there is a brisk run across fields to the village pub. Competitors may now be shivering from head to foot, but are strangely no longer suffering from a throbbing headache.

Location: Mapleton, near Ashbourne, Derbyshire
Date: New Years Day

Haxey Hood

On the twelfth day of Christmas, you can forget about drummers drumming in one corner of Lincolnshire. Instead, you will find twelve Boggins singing and one drunken fool who preside over arguably one of the World’s maddest ‘ball’ games.

Four teams, representing the public houses in the neighbouring villages of Haxey and Westwoodside battle to carry the eponymous hood (a piece of cylindrical leather) into their own hostelry.

The match starts on a small hill between the two villages and play is very similar to rugby (only with much more passion), with over 50 players at one time tucked into a scrum like position and progress made when one team suddenly has the momentum and starts pushing the opposition backwards.

Inevitably, the scrum will collapse, there will be shouts of ‘Man down!’ and after all the arms and legs have been untwisted and a few people hobble out, the match restarts. The duration of the game can vary from one hour to all night – not surprising since the pitch is over one mile wide and players tend to drift in and out of the game to replenish their alcohol levels.

Anyone can take part, with outsiders encouraged, often reluctantly, to reinforce the depleted Westwoodside team, who only have one of the four pubs to draw support from. Notwithstanding its good nature, the game can still become very physical, so take care should your heart rule your head.

The tradition actually begins a week earlier on New Year’s Eve when the twelve Boggins and the Fool commence a tour of the area, singing songs, drinking and collecting money for charity.

Location: Haxey, Lincolnshire
Date: Wednesday 6th January

?and if you still want an excuse to continue the wacky festivities beyond Christmas, then why not head to Llanwrtyd Wells in mid Wales to join in the celebrations of Saturnalia, the Roman festival. The highlight is the World Mountain Bike Chariot Racing Championships on Saturday 9th January.

Teams of three, many in Roman costume, negotiate a short countryside course on a specially made chariot (supplied by the organisers) of two mountain bikes with half a metal barrel on wheels attached behind. Teams compete in pairs, with the four fastest teams competing in the final.

Don’t expect to just turn up and pedal away, it’s a lot harder to steer than it sounds, but at least if you lose you won’t get fed to the lions. If that isn’t enough fun, there is a toga party, with gladiatorial style eating and drinking in the evening. More details at www.green-events.co.uk.

Further ideas for wacky days out all year round can be found in Wacky Nation by James Bamber and Sally Raynes, published by Icon at £9.99. The authors have taken part in over 100 wacky events in the UK and are now writing their second book in the series.