Anyone who fancies working as sidekick to Alan Sugar but has not yet found their way to the online application form for the second series of The Apprentice has probably failed the first initiative test.
The second, and by far greater challenge, is actually filling out the form, which is a stamina-sapping six pages long.
The application, as with many other tests of this nature, starts with the entirely mendacious phrase: “There are no right or wrong answers”.
It is surely a safe bet that answering “Alan Sugar” to the question “What intimidates you?” is not going to impress the judges. Then again, perversely, it just might. Nor is it likely that “cry into my tea” would be the right answer to the “How do you deal with conflict at work?” question.
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Equally, it might be folly to admit that your worst qualities were laziness, fecklessness and a tendency towards communism.
Aside from the standard sections asking for personal details, education, experience and qualifications, the entire application form is a minefield, cleverly designed to rule out - or, because it is for a reality TV show - to rule in inappropriate candidates.
To start, there is a question asking applicants to describe their “best qualities”. In any normal job application, a tedious rendition of “hard-working, loyal and conscientious” would probably be enough to overcome this hurdle. But in a show where Amstrad’s notoriously abrasive Mr Sugar is the primary role model, might not “brashness, arrogance and effrontery” be a better answer?
The form also asks applicants to describe something they would do if they knew they wouldn’t get caught. This is tricky to fathom. Are the producers really looking for someone who would sell their own granny for a bag of screws? Probably yes, after all, this is a form less about “hiring” the best business talent, and far more about recruiting a dozen or so wannabes who are hooked on the idea of having their Warholian 15 minutes of fame on reality TV.
In the same vein comes “Have you ever lied or cheated to get what you want?” For most applicants, “Please see the rest of my form” might be the only honest answer.
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It would appear however, that honesty is not one of the principal character traits the producers are seeking. The form expressly states that having a criminal record will not exclude anyone from the selection process.
Curiously, the form also asks applicants to give details of two people who would provide them with their worst job references. The producers are obviously unaware that 90 per cent of businesses are so worried by the fear of litigation that they have stopped writing references of any sort – good or bad.
The final, perhaps hardest, question of all is, “Why do you want to work for Sir Alan?” After hours of contemplation, no one here at the Times Online business desk has been able to come up with a credible answer.
The deadline for applying to the second series of The Apprentice is July 1.
Click here for the application form