You’ve got to be good performer to work such an unpromising room. At a removals depot in Edinburgh, three days before she may have to leave No 10, Theresa May showed what can be achieved with a little bit of stage presence.
It helped that Ruth Davidson was her warm-up act, rapping out a message for Nicola Sturgeon. “You can take your second referendum. . .” Ms D yelled. The punch line never came, but the crowd roared with laughter.
About 80 Tory activists had been shoehorned into a loading bay and instructed to cheer as soon as the stars of the Tess and Ruth Show stepped off their tour bus. Ms Davidson, channelling Donald Trump “to make Britain great again” had them grinning; Mrs May — smooth, steely, and more practised than of late — promised endless union with the other home nations. How they cheered.
These are heady days for the Conservatives in Scotland. Time was, in 1997, when they had no MPs and fewer prospects.
This week, 21st-century Tories will achieve a bit of history by emerging as the second largest party behind the SNP. The bookies say five seats are certainties; seven according to the latest Times poll, and at least nine if you believe the people in this loading bay. Activists insist that two seats in the capital are within their grasp as the Scottish Labour vote crumbles: in the southwest of the city and here, in Edinburgh North & Leith.
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In other words, for good or ill, the Conservatives are cornering most of Scotland’s pro-Britain vote. Erick Davidson, 68, a retired businessman, is one new convert and joined the party just two months ago. Why? “I couldn’t stand the incessant sound of Nicola Sturgeon,” he said, “or the Corbynomics. The thought of a coalition, the pair of them together . . . it’s the stuff of emigration.”