Do you think you’re up to filling the vacancy advertised by Charlie Sheen for an intern to promote the social and media network of “Hollywood’s most trending celebrity”? Could you, hand on heart, answer yes to questions such as: “Do you have #TigerBlood? Are you all about #Winning?”
As his intern, your job will be to “monitor the day-to-day activities on the major social media platforms . . . and increase Charlie’s base of followers”. To do that you’ll need to know what makes Charlie “I have Adonis DNA” Sheen tick. So try this questionnaire to find out if you do:
1. I’m used to being thought of as . . . (a) “Chazzer”; (b) the son of the US President Bartlet; (c) nuts.
2. Tiger is my . . . (a) favourite species of lily; (b) golfing partner; (c) blood type.
3. You can always find me in . . . (a) a cocktail bar; (b) Who’s Who; (c) coherent.
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4. In my experience, women work best in ... (a) the home; (b) executive roles; (c) threes.
5. You’ll find some of the most impressive drugs in the world in . . . (a) Cedars-Sinai Hospital; (b) the Mayo Clinic; (c) my trouser pocket.
6. If there’s one thing all my female acquaintances agree about me it’s that I . . . (a) am good company; (b) make a mean Martini; (c) tip generously.
7. I like paying regular visits back to . . . (a) my parents; (b) childhood haunts; (c) rehab.
8. I feel most comfortable when in my . . . (a) shorts and a bowling shirt; (b) pyjamas; (c) cups.
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9. My public persona is of a man who is high ... (a) maintenance; (b) profile; (c) as a kite.
10. On a working weekday I liked to be tucked in by. . . (a) ten; (b) midnight; (c) porn stars.
11. Charlie is . . . (a) my name; (b) my favourite drug; (c) another word for fool. Or maybe all the above.