WEDNESDAY
Manchester United v AC Milan
Sky Sports Xtra, kick-off 7.45pm
Fears of disturbances at Saturday’s match involving Everton and Manchester United arose because of concerns over segregation and the fact that many football fans cannot sit next to a supporter of the opposing club without turning violent. What if this character flaw extended across the human race? Labour and Conservative activists would be forced to live in different towns during the forthcoming general election campaign. Then again, football crowds do contain unusual people, some of which need 24-hour monitoring. The familiar stadium announcement should be adapted: “At the final whistle, could certain supporters please remain in the ground for their own safety until the next home match.”
THURSDAY
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Middlesbrough v AK Graz
Five, kick-off 7.45pm
Calls for the removal of the concept of passive offside are being made because it “confuses” assistant referees. These are the same officials who achieve a worse success rate when judging conventional offsides than would a chimpanzee. (In addition to having no idea what the correct decision should be, assistants usually guess in favour of the defending team because that policy is less controversial in the event of a mistake — the awarding of a goal that arises from an offside is worse than the erroneous prevention of the chance of a goal.) In the first leg of this tie, Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink was twice given offside wrongly, yet the Five commentator backed the decisions. If a commentator watching in slow motion cannot get it right, the assistant referee has no chance.
SATURDAY
Match of the Day, BBC One, 10.30pm-11.45pm
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The most recent full round of Premiership matches featured ten of the 20 teams with one striker. The equivalent weekend last season had just two such cases. Managers copy each other so much that if one played without a goalkeeper, everyone would do it.
LIVE MATCHES
Today: 7.45pm: Crawley Town v Morecambe, Nationwide Conference, Sky Sports 1. Tomorrow: 7.45pm: Bayern Munich v Arsenal, European Cup, ITV1; Liverpool v Bayer Leverkusen, European Cup, ITV2; Real Madrid v Juventus, European Cup, Sky Sports 2; PSV Eindhoven v AS Monaco, European Cup, Sky Sports Xtra. Wednesday: 7.45pm: Barcelona v Chelsea, European Cup, Sky Sports 2; Manchester United v AC Milan, European Cup, Sky Sports Xtra; FC Porto v Inter Milan and Werder Bremen v Lyons, European Cup, via red button on Sky Sports Xtra. Thursday: 7.45pm: Middlesbrough v AK Graz, Uefa Cup, Five. 7.45pm: Newcastle United v Heerenveen, Uefa Cup, ITV2. 7.45pm: Auxerre v Ajax, Uefa Cup, British Eurosport. Saturday: 12.45pm: Southampton v Arsenal, Barclays Premiership, PremPlus. 5.15pm: Manchester United v Portsmouth, Premiership, Sky Sports 1. 7pm: Numancia v Barcelona, Spanish league, Sky Sports Xtra. 9pm: Deportivo La Coruña v Real Madrid, Spanish league, Sky Sports Xtra. Sunday: noon: Dundee United v Aberdeen, Tennent’s Scottish Cup, Sky Sports 1. 3pm: Chelsea v Liverpool, Carling Cup final, Sky Sports 1. 3pm: Clyde v Celtic, Scottish Cup, BBC One Scotland. 7.30pm: Inter Milan v AC Milan, Italian league, British Eurosport. 8pm: Valencia v Real Betis, Spanish league, Sky Sports 1.