Given that its best-known champions include Mr Motivator and middle-aged American tourists, it isn’t hard to understand why the bumbag has languished in the fashion doldrums for so long.
Yet for a certain demographic of bright young things and tastemakers, the sight of a Texan dad rummaging in his fanny pack is not something to snigger at, but a sartorial gauntlet thrown down; a resurrection challenge of Lazarus proportions, sparking murmurs that not only are bumbags back, but they’re cool. Bear with me.
Most of the blame for this item’s swift and surprising ascent from butt of jokes to height of cool can be apportioned to the model, Instagram star and reality TV Kardashian sibling Kendall Jenner, who has been spotted wearing one no fewer than four times in the past month. Her black leather, quilted, Chanel bumbag was so unreconstructedly dad-like that she even had it styled through the belt loops of her jeans. Another, a vintage Louis Vuitton number, looked like the sort of thing Danny DeVito might have worn in Twins.
Still, Jenner’s every move and outfit is papped, pored over and comprehensively catalogued by more than 81 million people on social media, so any such clear-cut adoption of a trend officially counts as a global news event.
As does what’s on the pavements of fashion week, which were awash with bumbags in spring. The old one-upmanship between street-stylers to carry as little with them as possible (all the better to prove that you’re important enough to have a driver) has given way to competition over finding the smallest and most hands-free statement bag. The Italian fashion editor Gilda Ambrosio was also strapped into Chanel’s take, while Net-A-Porter’s Lisa Aiken wore a red suede pouch round her waist. Rushing between shows, the British model Adwoa Aboah was rarely without her vintage nylon Prada number, accessorised with a furry Fendi pom-pom.
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In this crowd, the bumbag is not only a way to maximise posing potential, it’s also a cast-iron guarantee that you’ll make it into an online gallery with a headline such as “the most impractical practical bag you never knew you needed”.
“Gone are the fluoro colours, replaced with neutral shades
Well, what is the bumbag if not precisely that? Tourists, French waiters, drug dealers and, er, TV fitness personalities have long known of this style’s innate usefulness despite its seeming silliness. Your husband may insist that what he brings on holiday every year is actually a “money belt”, but a rose by any other name etc etc.
Fashionable marketing gurus have in the recent past tried rebranding the bumbag as the “hip handbag” — and while Sarah Jessica Parker and Kate Bosworth may have caught on, the rest of us held back. In this era of fake news and straight-talking politics, we prefer our spades to be given the correct nomenclature.
That isn’t to say that this new generation of bumbags share much with their forebears when it comes to aesthetics. Gone are the fluoro colours, the sporty extra pockets and outdoorsy waterproof fabrics (thank goodness), replaced with muted and neutral shades of high-quality leather, for the most part unadorned except for subtle press-stud fastenings or a singular zip. Lisa Lemon’s raw-edged caramel leather take, with internal phone pocket and key clip, is a perfect example, as is Kirsty Ward’s buttercup yellow version (£80 and £95 respectively, both at youngbritishdesigners.com).
“It’s come to a point where we don’t even want to carry bags,” says Elle’s accessories editor, Donna Wallace. “Our tech is wearable now, so why shouldn’t our bags be?”
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How to wear them, though? The Instagram crowd vary between fastening them at waist height and slinging them across the body like a tiny messenger bag — leave the latter to those still under 30. For the rest of us, the key is to keep everything as high and flat as possible, to avoid the saggy crotch-pouch effect that gave the bumbag such a bad name in the first place.
Wear it just above hip height rather than around your privates, and style slightly to one side. Avoid pockets, and the extra bulk they bring — anything even vaguely telescopic in shape won’t look knowing on a woman over 19 years old. The same goes for anything covered in sequins, or that looks like it would be at home on a hiking holiday.
That just about narrows it down to Prada’s black leather cahier bag, which at £1,160 for something 7in wide and 4in high might not be cheap, but at least means people won’t laugh at you — not because you’re wearing a bumbag, anyway.
Twitter: @harrywalker1