The best supermarket food this Christmas

M&S Mild & Delicate Smoked Salmon, ocado.com, £5 (100g)
There’s mild, and there’s tasteless. This is the last. Perfect for those who don’t like the flavour of salmon.
★

Bleiker’s Smokehouse Yorkshire Peat Smoked Salmon, morrisons.com, £3.50 (100g)
Fatty and sinewy, like chewing on dusty old rope.
★

Stuffing

M&S Collection British Pork Chestnut & Thyme Stuffing, ocado.com, £4 (340g)
Great — a stuffing that doesn’t taste just of sausage meat. Lovely and nutty. Thumbs up.
★★★★★

Tesco Finest Pork Stuffing Christmas Tree with Fruit and Cognac, tesco.com, £5 (400g)
Ignore the gimmicky shape and you have a loaf of lovely juicy stuffing with a crispy crumb.
★★★★

Aldi Specially Selected Orange & Cranberry Stuffing Stars, aldi.co.uk, £2.99 (280g)
Very orangey, with dates and apricots, and a cranberry on top. Nice, but one is enough.
★★★

Morrisons The Best Pork, Sage & Onion Stuffing Balls, morrisons.com, £3 (360g)
These won’t steal the show. They taste . . . fine.
★★

Sainsbury’s Taste the Difference British Pork Sage & Onion Stuffing Balls, sainsburys.co.uk, £3 (360g)
If chewy, fatty meatballs are your kind of stuffing, these are for you.
★★

Waitrose Sage & Onion Stuffing, waitrose.com, £2.75 (225g)
Oily, dense and lacking in any flavour beyond sausage meat. Pass the salt please.
★

Asda Extra Special British Pork, Sage & Caramelised Onion Stuffing Balls, asda.com, £2.75 (350g)
I couldn’t taste the sage, or any other flavour for that matter. Pointless.
★

Pigs in blankets

Sainsbury’s Taste the Difference Truffle Flavoured Pigs in Blankets, sainsburys. co.uk, £3.50 (210g)
Not the slightest whiff of truffle, but the smokiness made this the best of the bunch.
★★★★★

Aldi Specially Selected Pigs in Blankets, aldi.co.uk, £2.49 (210g)
The crunch of crispy bacon giving way to a well-textured and nicely seasoned sausage — it’s what a pig in blanket should be all about.
★★★★★

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Lidl Outdoor-Bred British Pork Footlong Pigs In Blankets, Lidl, £3.99 (400g)
Decent herby sausage wrapped in sweetly smoked bacon. And it’s 12in long. What’s not to like?
★★★★★

M&S Pigs in Blankets, ocado.com, £3.75 (282g)
Lovely — doesn’t brown that much, but the herby sausage is a delight.
★★★★

Waitrose Honey & Rosemary Pork Chipolatas in Bacon, waitrose.com, £4 (324g)
Flavourless bacon, but the sausage is decent enough, if a little on the sweet side.
★★★

Tesco Finest Pigs in Blankets, tesco.com, £2.60 (210g)
Bacon is chewy and sausage is a bit gristly, but there’s a lovely porkiness about it.
★★★

Asda Extra Special pigs in blankets, asda.com, £2.50 (222g)
Eurrgh, no. Dry, shrivelled and they taste of dust.
★

Cranberry Sauce

M&S Cranberry Sauce, ocado.com, £3 (400g)
The whole cranberries within a well-textured sauce deliver a nice slap of sharpness. As good as homemade.
★★★★★

Waitrose Christmas Cranberry Sauce, waitrose.com, £2.25 (300g)
Whole cranberries, richness from the port, zestiness from the orange. Another winner.
★★★★★

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Sainsbury’s Taste The Difference Mulled Wine Cranberry Sauce, sainsburys.co.uk, £1.50 (220g)
Best of the jarred sauces. A bit sweet, but the mulled spices add a warming back note.
★★★

Asda Extra Special Cranberry Sauce with Ruby Port, asda.com, £1.50 (230g)
Doesn’t bring much to the party.
★★★

Lidl Deluxe Cranberry and Port Sauce, Lidl, 99p (200g)
Sharp, sherberty and more like a spread than a sauce.
★★

Tesco Finest Cranberry Sauce, tesco.com, £1.50 (220g)
Sweet and gluey as a gummy bear. No thanks.
★

Morrisons The Best Cranberry Sauce, morrisons.com, £1.75 (220g)
Tastes like lemon drops, looks like jam. Neither should accompany turkey.
★

Aldi Specially Selected Cranberry Sauce, aldi.co.uk, £1.49 (300g)
A gloopy horror show, like sucking on an old clove from the back of your spice cupboard.
No stars

Brandy cream & butter

Morrisons The Best Brandy Butter, morrisons.com, £2 (200g)
Wow, you can really taste that booze! Wonderfully creamy thanks to those Jersey cows and silky smooth in texture. You’ll want seconds of pudding just to have more of this.
★★★★★

Aldi Specially Selected Extra Thick Brandy Cream, aldi.co.uk, £1.75 (250ml)
Everything you want from a brandy cream: thick, creamy, with a boozy kick.
★★★★

Asda Extra Special Extra Thick Brandy Cream, asda.com, £1.90 (250ml)
The consistency is closer to single cream, but it would taste nice poured on a mince pie.
★★★

Lidl Deluxe Brandy Butter, lidl.co.uk, £1.39 (200g)
A little sandy in texture and the booze is slightly hidden but otherwise a perfectly nice butter.
★★★

Tesco Brandy Butter, tesco.com, £1.75 (200g)
At last, a traditional butter. It doesn’t have that grainy sugary texture, but it’s rather lacking on the brandy front.
★★★

Waitrose Christmas Brandy Sauce, waitrose.com, £2.25 (500g)
Like rum and raisin sauce without the raisins. Very sweet, a small dollop of this will do.
★★

Sainsbury’s Extra Thick Brandy Cream, sainsburys.co.uk, £2.75 (250ml)
Not too sweet, not too boozy, not too memorable either.
★★

M&S Collection Sweetened Brandy Butter, ocado.com, £3.50 (200g)
Incredibly sickly and almost crunchy from the amount of sugar. Half a teaspoon will suffice.
★★

Christmas puddings

24-Month-Matured Christmas Pudding, Lidl, £11.99 (907g)
Packed full of fruit and nuts, nice hit of booze and less sweet than others.
★★★★★

Aldi Specially Selected 30-Month-Matured Christmas Pudding, aldi.co.uk, £9.99 (907g)
Excellent. Nutty and boozy, it’s my kind of pudding.
★★★★★

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M&S Collection Christmas Pudding 12-Month-Matured, ocado.com, £6 (454g)
Alcohol not too strong and whole nuts and cherries abound in the moist filling.
★★★★★

Tesco Finest 9-Month-Matured Hidden Clementine Christmas Pudding, tesco.com, £5 (400g)
Nice balance of nuts and fruit, but they should have done more than hide the sugary clementine — like miss it out entirely.
★★★

Morrisons 12-Month-Matured Christmas Pudding, morrisons.com, £5 (400g)
Heavy on vine fruits and very spongy texture.
★★

Asda Extra Special 9-Month-Matured Christmas Pudding, asda.com, £1.50 (100g)
Moist and inoffensive, but rather more spongy than you might want.
★★

Sainsbury’s Sticky Toffee Pudding Christmas Pudding, sainsburys.co.uk, £6 (500g)
You’ve been stuffing yourself all day. Do you really want a sweet pudding with sticky toffee sauce poured over it?
★

Mince pies

Waitrose Brown Butter Mince Pies, waitrose.com, £3 for 6
Golden domed and full of lovely nutty filling, but the brown butter lends the pastry a disconcertingly savoury taste, almost like a cheese biscuit.
★★★

Asda Extra Indulgent Mince Pies, asda.com, £1.95 for 4
I like the homemade-looking finish, but my, it’s a sturdy fellow. The thick biscuity pastry is nice, so is the moist filling — right up to the nagging acetone finish.
★★★

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Tesco Finest Mini Mince Pies, tesco.com, £2 for 12
The most traditional of the bunch. Nice short pastry and a juicy filling, peeking out from beneath a star topping.
★★★

Morrisons The Best Deep-filled Mince Pies, morrisons.com, £2 for 6
A Goldilocks pie: not too big, not too sweet, not too rich, but not really too exciting either.
★★★

Aldi Specially Selected Exquisite Mini Mince Pies, aldi.co.uk, £2.49 for 9
Three varieties, all finished with a dollop of buttercream. The pastry is short and buttery, but they are downhill from there. And very, very sweet.
★★

M&S Collection 9 Mini Mince Pies, ocado.com, £2.75 (256g)
Lots of mincemeat inside a very crumbly enriched pastry, but the main flavour is of . . . sugar.
★★

Lidl Deluxe 6 All Butter Mince Pies, lidl.co.uk, £1.49 (500g)
The pastry is nice enough, the filling is heavy on vine fruits and a bit gluey, but won’t scare the carol singers.
★★

Tesco Crumble-Topped Mince Pies With Salted Caramel & Festive Spice, tesco.com, £3 for 4
That’s not a mince pie — it’s a confused biscuit. Crumble topping, a layer of sweet caramel and a sub-speculoos base: not worth the calories.
★

Sainsbury’s Taste the Difference Winter Berry, Clementine & Gin Mince Pies, sainsburys.com, £2 for 4 (205g)
Can’t taste gin, but can certainly taste the winter berries, more’s the pity. Much too sweet.
★

Panettone

Lidl Deluxe Panettone Classico, £3.69 (750g)
Looks like a large currant bun, but within are lots of plump sultanas and orange peel. It’s rich but not too sweet.
★★★★★

Waitrose No 1 Sicilian Orange Nocciolato Panettone, waitrose.com, £14 (750g)
Cut away that sweet hazelnut topping and you’ll find a delicious enriched panettone that’s full of brightly flavoured citrus fruits. Nice.
★★★★

Aldi Specially Selected Classic Panettone, aldi.co.uk, £3.69 (750g)
Middling panettone full of mediocre fruit. That’s not to say you couldn’t accidentally eat far too much of it.
★★★

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Asda Extra Special Classic Panettone, asda.com, £4.50 (500g)
A bit bready and the fruit doesn’t add much, but it’s perfectly serviceable.
★★★

M&S Classic Panettone, ocado.com, £10 (750g)
Stolid, sweet and short on citrus fruit. Not much of a celebration.
★★

Sainsbury’s Taste The Difference Orange & Prosecco Panettone, sainsburys.co.uk, £7.50 (800g)
Claggy and tasteless. Skip the first outing and turn it into bread-and-butter pudding.
★★

Morrisons The Best Chocolate & Orange Panettone, morrisons.com, £7 (750g)
How not to make panettone: add cheap chocolate and tasteless gunge (mascarpone? Really?) to a dense wodge of dough.
★