Inside Music 2005: The Insider’s Guide to the Industry, by Kevin Harris and Stephen Colegrave (Ebury Press, £15)
So you wanna be a rock’n’roll star?
Quiet. I’m reading. I’ve got 500 pages to get through.
Did the Sex Pistols start by reading a book?
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Look, the music industry is not just about projectile vomiting and egos the size of the Netherlands. There are serious jobs to be had.
Such as?
Manager, accountant, T-shirt seller. But it’s a jungle out there and wannabe popsters need all the help they can get.
So this book’s full of sage advice from interesting people? Robbie? Kylie?
Jazz Summers — he’s a famous manager.
Sounds like an Isley Brothers hit. Who else?
Muff Winwood.
Excuse me? Muff?
Ex-bassist for the Spencer Davis Group. Now a VP in A&R. He signed some top bands: Adam and the Ants, the Clash,
Wham! Wham!? You hold him, I’ll hit him.
Don’t knock it. There’s big money in a top-ten hit.
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I’ll dust off that old guitar in the loft.
Do. But read the tips for newcomers first.
Read them for me. I’m busy changing chords.
“Live and breathe musical integrity. Like a politician, your integrity is all you have.”
I could always sell it. What else?
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“What determines whether you are ‘real’ or ‘cool’ can come down to the smallest details.”
Like the number of noughts on the cheque?
Precisely.
So overall assessment: hit or miss?
Bubbling under. Real pop talent doesn’t need an insider guide.
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A bestseller then?
A number one.