GRANNY BEAMED beneath her best hat. Grandad managed not to do anything embarrassing. And there was a fatherly pat on the back. Mummy would have been so proud as her oldest son stepped on to the stage at St Andrews and was made a Master of the Arts. An upper second, no less. Didn’t he do well.
Welcome to the big wide world, William Wales. Time for your quarterlife crisis.
Graduation day is fun for all the family. Except the graduate. Parents come along mainly to see where all their money has been spent, hoping to meet others whose offspring haven’t done quite so well. It matters not that their child has barely scraped a pass in “The Semiotics of The Simpsons”. For them it’s a big day out and another photo on the mantelpiece. Not so for the twentysomething perched on the dizzying precipice of reality.
The Golden Boy, let’s give him his full title, managed to raise a smile for the cameras. Shades of Diana played across those lips which, by the end of the day looked thoroughly chewed. And not by his girlfriend, Kate Middleton, whose tiny skirt appeared to be made from a remnant of her gown. So what was on the mind of the future monarch? Not job security.
Graduation is a celebration piled high with pressures and platitudes. Who am I? Where now? What next? The world is your oyster! Well, if it is, it’s a dodgy one.
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What you really get is a load of debt and something that needs framing then dusting for ever. Graduation marks a definite end to nearly two decades of institutional support. Of guaranteed progress, year on year. Of guidance, nurturing and hope. It offers only an uncertain beginning. Search the back of your degree certificate — you won’t find any instructions about what to do next. Which is why I decided to write a guide to surviving the quarterlife crisis.
Now that the champagne corks have stopped popping, William and the rest of the Class of 2005 will be asking the same worrying questions. About work, money, housing and relationships. Questions that have always been asked. Only work has never been so insecure, debt so crippling and property so unaffordable. We twentysomethings are only into speed-dating because we’ve no time for relationships. And I am amazed we’re supposedly riddled with sexually transmitted infections because no one I know has time for sex. Not even with themselves.
William and his peers (the age kind, not the ones with coronets) face challenges that their parents can barely imagine. Although, it’s true, they also have more choices. And Prince William has more options than any other 23-year-old.
First there is the question of work. He has a good degree from a good university. He’s presentable and well spoken. But so are many other graduates. And as there are more degree-clutchers than ever, unemployment and, worse still, under-employment is rife. Never have there been so many burger-flippers with Bachelors and pint-pullers with PhDs.
No worries for William. No visit to the career adviser for him. No milk round for the crème de la crème. By virtue of birth he has a job for life. The same might be said for anyone born into a family of doctors or lawyers (the middle-class acorn rarely falls far from the tree). HRH is guaranteed promotion from prince to king and all without the agony of appraisals. Redundancy is an issue — there will always be voices calling for his head. He will hear their calls but he ‘s unlikely to heed them. Instead, the process of gradual downsizing will continue.
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Where to live? On the average graduate salary of £21,997 William will be unable to buy a flat in the City, where he’s set to do work experience. He could scour the pages of Loot for flatmates — such wages might just stretch to a former crack den in Dalston. But no one will want to share with his security retinue. Like most twentysomethings, he will probably have to move home for a bit.
Boomeranging back to Buckingham Palace or Clarence House is an option — central, roomy and rent-free. But that means giving up hard-won independence. There will be rows about phone bills. He’ll have to be home by midnight and Miss Middleton will have to sneak out before dawn. And having a kid about will doubtless put a downer on Daddy’s honeymoon.
By going to a Scottish university, William has cannily avoided fees. Presumably, his family has scraped together the cash to support him. This means he hasn’t had to juggle a part-time job and full-time course. Almost uniquely, he has no student loans. All of which gets him off to a better start than the average student, who faces debts of £13,501. William is comfortably on the focaccia line.
Decent degree, debt-free, job for life: it seems Prince William has avoided a quarterlife crisis. But, for all his many advantages, he still must find his own place in the world. And we will be watching. He is no longer hidden on campus. William Wales may have a footman to carry his backpack during his second gap year. But only he can shoulder the burden of his future. Still, he made Granny’s day.
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Get it Together: a guide to surviving your quarterlife crisis by Damian Barr is published by Hodder & Stoughton.