15, 127 mins
You really want to love Tetro. You want to celebrate it as a bold artistic venture from the legendary 71-year-old film-maker Francis Ford Coppola, here directing his first original screenplay since The Conversation in 1974. And you want to be thrilled and engrossed by the story, shot in gorgeous silky black and white, of two American brothers called Tetro (Vincent Gallo) and Bennie (the newcomer and DiCaprio lookalike Alden Ehrenreich), who are adrift in Buenos Aires and hiding out from the tyrannical legacy of their world- famous composer dad, Carlo (Klaus Maria Brandauer, stealing scenes at every turn).
And yet — there’s no nice way to put this — Tetro’s just a bit boring. Gallo’s protagonist is a one-note moaner and failed writer, and Ehrenreich, though charming, is given little to do but moon helplessly at his older sibling. Worse still, there is actually no drama here, and no emotional conflict. The brothers, for most of the film’s admittedly gorgeous-looking 127 minutes, are simply licking their wounds in unison throughout. There is a final act twist that’s suddenly signalled midway through the movie.
It’s a direct lift from Chinatown. But that hardly helps.