TV choice
MARY SEACOLE: THE REAL ANGEL OF THE CRIMEA
Channel 4, 8pm
A long-overdue documentary about an unsung heroine of the Crimean War — the extravagant Jamaican nurse Mary Seacole. This proud patriot set up a restaurant-come-general store and clinic rolled into one next to the front line, and treated British soldiers for free using effective herbal and holistic remedies that she learnt as a child in Jamaica. The Times correspondent wrote: “A more tender, more skilful hand about a wound or a broken limb could not be found among our best surgeons.” When she returned to England at the end of the war with no money, veterans organised a fundraising gala for her and 80,000 people turned up. DC
IF . . .
BBC Two, 7pm
The If . . . series is an ambitious format using drama punctuated by specialist commentary. But whereas the commentary is informed, the drama tends to be awkward. This episode asks viewers to consider the unthinkable — should the West stop giving aid to Africa on the ground that charity creates a culture of dependency and lines the pockets of dictators? The drama begins with the murder of an aid worker in Northern Uganda, and flashes back to his early career as a photojournalist. The meticulous research challenges the viewer’s instinctive revulsion against a proposition that sounds utterly inhuman.
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A PICTURE OF BRITAIN
BBC One, 9pm
It is always surprising how certain programmes that sound desperately dull turn out to be the highlights of the week. David Dimbleby begins this stage of his journey in Lowry country and ends up striding over the Malvern Hills accompanied by Elgar’s Cello Concerto. Not exactly rock’n’roll, you might think. But his journey is an unalloyed pleasure, packed with fascinating information effortlessly presented.
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THE STORY OF ITV: THE PEOPLE’S CHANNEL
ITV1, 10.40pm
While ITV languishes on the ropes and produces an average of one programme a week worth watching, Melvyn Bragg presents a five-part series celebrating its achievements over 50 years. He adopts the Turkey-Twizzler defence — you cannot argue with something that is popular — which comes with an implicit assumption that anyone who disagrees is an elitist snob. No generalisation is challenged, not even when Simon Shaps, chief executive of Granada, says that ITV continues to take risks, push boundaries and offer viewers the unexpected. They are proud of their achievements. One contributor says: “There was no artist you couldn’t afford and no programme ambition you couldn’t realise.” And we ended up with Celebrity Love Island. DC
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Multichannel choice
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PIMP MY RIDE UK
MTV, 10pm
There is something about this British version that makes it even more entertaining than the American original. Part of the credit must go to the host, Tim Westwood. Often unfairly pilloried as a laughable wannabe, Westwood is a smart operator. He brilliantly balances wide-eyed enthusiasm with an awareness of the show’s absurdity, yet does so without condescension: it is a trick that only someone who has developed a Teflon-like resistance to charges of self-parody could pull off. That the car makeover at the heart of the show is both hilarious and magnificent is really just a bonus. ANGUS BATEY
BRITAIN’S GREATEST MONARCH
The History Channel, 6pm
A panel of academics, writers and politicians debates the merits of 12 British monarchs. Each gets a panellist as advocate, with the would-be Throne Idol earning a score based on their legacy and achievements. The identity of the victor is only marginally less surprising than the fact that it is the comedian Al Murray who goes in to bat for Henry VIII.
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GLASTONBURY 2005
BBC Three/Four, from 7pm
Among the highlights from the festival’s last day is a set from the former Beach Boy Brian Wilson, whose recent re-creations of his unreleased masterpiece, Smile, have enraptured fans.
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THE SIMPSONS
Sky One, 7.30pm
The 350th episode finds Homer in crisis. When the leaky roof turns his family against him, he goes on a bender, getting thrown out of Moe’s Bar by Stephen Hawking (voiced by the scientist). Ray, a roofer, becomes Homer’s new best friend (“We think alike, we act alike, we finish each other’s sandwiches!”), but when Ray fails to turn up to fix the leaky thatch, Marge decides that Homer has made him up.
RUDYARD KIPLING
The History Channel, 10pm
Rudyard Kipling’s creativity was nurtured early in his life. He lived in India — to him, a magical land — until, at the age of six, his parents sent him to a foster home in England where he was subjected to needless cruelty. Retreating into himself, he began to create vast imaginary worlds when his foster mother banned him from reading. This absorbing film tells an enlightening but touching tale. AB
Kids’choice
TOY STORY
Disney Channel, 4pm
There can hardly be a tot in the land who has not seen Pixar’s magnificent movie. But that will not stop them being entranced again by the adventures of Buzz, Woody et al as the movie returns to the Disney Channel. AB