TV choice
DISPATCHES
Channel 4, 8pm
Ryanair and easyJet are two of the best things that have happened to air travel. On numerous occasions, I have flown to Athens and back for less than the price of a return ticket from London to Dorset by train. They even give you a seat. Although there were no tapes available for this programme, it is said to show undercover film of Ryanair behaving badly — featuring dirty planes, security lapses, exhausted pilots and cynical cabin staff. “What they found,” we are warned, “may make you think twice about flying Ryanair again.” What rubbish. It can have unshaven pilots covered in egg stains assisted by foul-mouthed cabin staff for all I care — it would still be cheaper, safer and more comfortable than trying to go anywhere by train.
UNCLE MAX
ITV1, 3.40pm
This is a delightfully wacky children’s programme, which comes from the same gene pool as Mr Bean — only without the excruciating pain. The eponymous Uncle Max (played by David Schneider, who also wrote the series) is a goofy nerd with a mental age of around 8, whose face resembles a cartoon by Gerald Scarfe.
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In the first episode, he takes his nephew to a busy pizza parlour and causes pandemonium after being mistaken for a waiter. The action takes place without a word spoken, and — because Uncle Max is such a benign and well-intentioned oddball — each episode seems destined to end happily ever after. The lovely thing about watching children’s shows is that you can enjoy them for what they are, without having to worry why they aren’t Strindberg.
BODYSHOCK
Channel 4, 9pm
Progeria — the awful disease that causes premature ageing — is so rare that only 42 cases are known to exist worldwide. Researchers, therefore, were astonished when they discovered an impoverished family in India with five children suffering from the illness.
This heartbreaking documentary follows doctors as they conduct a battery of tests on the surviving children to identify what caused the disease, and to try to work out how best to treat them. The children are matter-of- fact and almost unbearably charming; their courage and acceptance is an inspiration. “Your bones are normal and strong,” one of them tells a doctor without even a hint of self-pity. “Ours are all sunken and soft.”
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PRISON BREAK
Five, 10pm
Prison Beak may be rubbish, but it is good rubbish. Unpretentious rubbish. Rubbish that works. Our hero — a successful, handsome, all-American prodigy — has deliberately got himself thrown inside a US maximum- security prison where, it transpires, his brother is languishing on death row for a murder he did not commit. The hero has the plans of the prison tattooed all over his torso and knows how to combine chemicals hidden in toothpaste tubes to create a corrosive acid capable of eating through iron bars.
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All he needs to do tonight is to cope with a psychotic cellmate refusing to take his medication.
BEST OF THE REST . . .
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LIFE ON MARS
BBC One, 9pm
The time-travelling copper hears his life-support machine being turned off.
Multichannel choice
TIME SHIFT: RUDE BRITANNIA
BBC Four, 9pm
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Despite opening with images of rampaging youths, this Time Shift sidesteps the recent excesses of public bad behaviour (binge drinking, happy slapping etc) in favour of milder forms, such as swearing, to show that Britain has always had an uncouth culture. Clement Freud, Frank Muir and Robin Day are among commentators remembering the angry young men of the 1950s, the rise of TV satire and increasingly aggressive political interviews, putting it all into a historical context reaching back to Edwardian times. It is followed by three of the most irreverent sitcoms: Till Death Us Do Part, Fawlty Towers and The Young Ones.
LIVE MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL: WEST HAM v BIRMINGHAM CITY
Sky Sports 1, 7.30pm
The Hammers look to complete the double over Steve Bruce’s Blues.
MURDER INVESTIGATION TEAM
UKTV Drama, 9pm
It may star the former EastEnders actor Lindsey Coulson and be produced by the team responsible for The Bill, but this series, originally shown on ITV1, has largely been stripped of soap opera. It concentrates on dogged police procedure and the unglamorous slog in search of clues. It is the equivalent of a house-to-house inquiry that sticks meticulously to the facts and succeeds for precisely that reason. DC
STONEHENGE
History Channel, 9pm
This is a lengthy, involving documentary following an archaeologist’s reconstruction of Stonehenge to work out what the ancient monument was used for — a worthy experiment undermined somewhat, for anyone who has seen This is Spinal Tap, by the fact that the new henge is made entirely of Styrofoam. GS
Daytime choice
COMEDY WEEK
CBBC and CBeebies, from 7am
Half-term hilarity rules on the Beeb’s children’s channels, with new series of Stupid and Chucklevision on CBBC, along with a world-record pie fight on Blue Peter. And for the tinies, Graham Norton hosts a special Bedtime Hour on CBeebies. GS