TAMWORTH, PROUD INVENTOR OF broken promises since 1834. That year, Sir Robert Peel, the local MP, issued the Tamworth Manifesto — the first instance of a political party outlining its principles, thereby devising a concept that grows more maligned with each election. At least the town’s football team has rarely promised much. Until now.
Peel was the only candidate, but Tamworth FC do have tough opposition: Stoke City tomorrow evening in an FA Cup third-round replay. All Peel had to do was to create the modern Conservative Party. Mark Cooper needs to figure out how his part-timers can beat professionals from three leagues above.
“If they turn up and fancy it and apply themselves properly, they’ll probably win the game,” Cooper, the player-manager, said. “If they don’t quite fancy it when they turn up, if they think, ‘Hmm, we’re not quite sure about this,’ then anything can happen.”
Russ Moore is one of half a dozen full-time staff at the Nationwide Conference club. He sold baby goods, then was offered his ideal job: helping his beloved team grow. “You can kick the ball from the penalty spot into my back yard,” he said.
Tamworth benefit from the top-flight’s Midlands malaise. “We’ve picked up people who two or three years ago were season ticket holders at Villa Park or St Andrew’s,” Moore said. “The football’s more affordable, the players are approachable, fans can mix with them. It is really taking the game back to the working man.”
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The general manager and secretary, he sat in the sponsors’ lounge and continually fielded calls on his mobile phone and walkie-talkie. There were only 702 spectators on Saturday but Moore seemed to have a thousand problems to solve. His ringtone? Another One Bites The Dust. “I’ve had it on since we played Altrincham in the fourth qualifying round,” he said. “It’s pretty apt at the moment.”
On Saturday the scalpers were in danger of becoming the scalped as St Albans City, of the Conference South, visited in the FA Trophy, but they prevailed, narrowly, 1-0. The home fans sang one of their favourites: “We are Tamworth, super Tamworth, no one likes us, we don’t care.” It sounds familiar. But the club do care that Tamworth are the team that television forgot. “There’s a rumour going round that if we get to the final they’re going to put a rugby match on,” Cooper said. “You can’t understand how the Stoke game is not on television. I’m not for one minute saying we’re going to create a shock, but you look down the list of replays and I think it’s the only one that is a romantic Cup tie.”
Burton Albion and Nuneaton Borough would disagree because they face Barclays Premiership clubs, but the upset potential is magnified because Stoke must endure The Lamb, a neat, tiny ground next to the Snowdome, Britain’s first indoor ski slope. Slippery surface, going downhill fast, falling flat on your face and all that.
There is an advertising poster with a large image of an almost-topless woman that stands near one corner flag by a hoarding offering carpet repairs. Any Stoke corner-taker would need the tunnel vision of an Olympic 100 metres runner not to be distracted by this siren. St Albans did have trouble delivering a decent cross yet dominated in the first half before conceding on the counter-attack and fading away.
Cooper was just pleased not to be eyeing up a replay. He reflected on the few thousands of pounds a run in the FA Trophy is worth before turning to the competition’s big brother. “We’ve got a dilemma as to who we play up front. If anyone.” At least Tamworth will deploy Matt Redmile in central defence. Immense in stature and in deeds, he is not so much a man-mountain as an entire mountain range. Anyone intending to go up for a header with him should pack a pickaxe and an oxygen mask. “We’ll certainly be trying to make Stoke feel uncomfortable when they come here, within our rights,” Cooper said.
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Tamworth’s players even make themselves uncomfortable. More flesh was on show behind the sultry advert in a space by the claustrophobic hamlet of blue cabins that act as dressing-rooms and offices. A couple of players plunged into a barrel of icy water. Good for circulation, apparently. Chills the blood. Stoke players may already know the feeling from their nightmares.
But some shocks carve themselves deeper into lives than anything the Cup can do. Scott Cousins, the St Albans left back and a former Chelsea trainee, challenged for a 50-50 ball deep into injury time and went to ground.
He saw a piece of bone jutting out of his sock almost at a right angle. Goals and money and glory, none of it mattered and all that was important was stopping the pain and one day walking normally again. It was the game of the broken bone in the town of broken promises.