At last, an answer to a question that has baffled scientists for years: how many women have slept with Bill Roache, who plays Ken Barlow in Coronation Street? Now, on the front page of the Daily Mirror, all is solved. “Corrie star Bill Roache claims he has bedded up to 1,000 woman,” the paper reported on Thursday. “In an astonishing interview, he admits: ‘I didn’t have any control over my sex drive.’”
Roache, who has played Barlow since the first show in 1960, said he once seduced Pat Phoenix, who played Elsie Tanner, and regularly cheated on his first wife, Anna Cropper. “I had the opportunity, I indulged it,” he said. “But what I did find out is it does not bring you happiness.”
The question now is: did he discover this unhappiness after, say, seduction No 20? Or didn’t the truth finally dawn until he climbed into bed with No 1,000?
Gillian Anderson, who played Agent Scully in The X Files, has also been talking about her love life in an interview reported by The Sun under the heading “X-Files Gill: I’m bisexual”. The twice-married actress admitted she experimented with lesbian relationships while a teenager.
“Have you ever had a lesbian fling with Gillian?” asked the paper. “Call The Sun.” For lesbian flings, you should press 1. To report you have slept with Bill Roache, press 2. If you have slept with both Bill and Gillian, call an agent.
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And now, an apology. Last week’s column did not contain a single mention of the broadcaster Carol Vorderman, even though newspapers are legally obliged to contain the following: “Phwoar! What about that Carol Vorderman, eh? I mean, I know she’s 51 but just look at that tight dress (pictured).”
The Sun at least did not fail in its duty, reporting from ladies’ day at the Cheltenham Festival: “The former Countdown numbers girl showed off her curves in a figure-hugging dress.”
Over the past four weeks it’s been revealed that Carol has tried a new hair-do, eaten some biscuits, worried about her weight and now, sensationally, worn a dress that’s quite tight around the backside. News teams are now poised for the moment that Carol wears a frock and looks like a sack of King Edward potatoes. Now that’d be a story!