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Sven Göran Eriksson

Nancy’s relationship with her hair was exactly the same when she was in denial that Sven had ever strayed further than their bedpost. Denial allowed their relationship to continue, and kept her hair — and psyche — buoyant.

But it’s not necessarily going to work that easily for the England coach, as high, happy hair just doesn’t go with an disastrous emotional life. Sven’s hair is that of a manipulator, a sign that he might occasionally have problems telling the truth.

Hair Bitch’s friend George Reith, at John Frieda, says: “There are much subtler ways to make his hair look thicker and taller. It should be brought forward, and more choppy. Perhaps he’s trying to look intelligent with that big forehead.

He should also do something about the colour — there really isn’t one. Just for Men was invented for Sven. He should use it.”

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