There are 14 reasons why Andrew Strauss, rather than Alastair Cook, should be leading the England cricket team on its tour of Bangladesh.
1. Andrew Strauss is the team’s captain.
2. He has been captain for only a year, not ten. Everyone needs a rest, but how tired can he be?
3. He can hardly be exhausted by his exertions with the bat in South Africa, where his spells at the crease were mostly as short as John McCain’s temper: he averaged just 24 in seven innings.
4. Alastair Cook? As captain? Cook was struggling to keep his place in the team until recently. Does he need the extra burden of being the boss?
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5. Can you imagine Graeme Smith crying off tours because he craves a rest? He looks like he’d lead out South Africa even if he were on crutches.
6. Being England captain is an honour. Every schoolboy’s dream. A duty, but also a privilege.
7. English cricket is not in so flourishing a state that it can confidently be left to its own devices while Strauss enjoys a long, restorative massage. England has just lost a match by an innings. Team confidence is fragile. His men need him.
8. Strauss needs to be on hand to investigate his side’s problems and fix them before facing Pakistan this summer and Australia next winter.
9. Can you imagine Wellington saying: “You know what? I feel a bit pooped after that Peninsular War. I think maybe I’ll give Waterloo a miss and wait for the next battle. Let me know how it goes. I’ll see you guys later. Well, some of you.”
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10. Did we mention the crucial bit about Andrew Strauss’s paid job being to captain England?
We have another four reasons. But to be honest, we need a break before going on. This is turning out to more stressful work than we expected.