A sweet shop has introduced ration books so parents can monitor their children’s intake of gobstoppers, lollipops and sherbet dabs. Young customers at Hope and Greenwood in East Dulwich, south London, must have their books stamped to ensure they don’t exceed a weekly limit set by their parents. One customer, Philip, 14, said: “I think it’s a good idea. It will cut down on your fatness and you can have nice teeth.”
Law enforcers of the week
A street entertainer has been arrested while impersonating Michael Schumacher at a shopping centre. David Honan, dressed in a red outfit and clutching a wooden steering wheel, was told he was creating an obstruction while performing in York. “I ran up and down pretending to be a car then I’d screech to a halt in front of people,” he said. “Then I felt this cop’s hand on my shoulder.” Police feared he might cause an accident.
Goer’s gizmo of the week
A scientist says he has invented a musical condom that gets louder as sex gets more vigorous. Now Grigoriy Chausovskiy wants ideas about tunes he should use, reports The Sun under the headline “The singing protective”. Musical condoms are nothing new: one plays Old MacDonald Had a Farm during lovemaking.
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Pragmatist of the week
A bride left standing when her groom got cold feet decided it was a pity to waste the ceremony: so she called for a volunteer from the congregation to marry her instead. The wedding, at Shivshankar Dham in India, was held up when the groom said the bride was not the girl he had agreed to marry. He made a run for it and was chased by the bride’s family but got away. Then a guest said he would step in and marry the jilted bride. “The marriage was solemnised in double quick time,” reports the Hindustan Times, “although half the guests were left in an awkward position by the sudden change of grooms.”
Error of the week
Hairdresser Andrew Barn spent four hours in the cells after mistaking a policeman for a stripper. Barn, 24, pinched the officer’s bottom while celebrating his birthday at a gay cabaret bar in Birmingham. He told the Daily Mirror: “I thought, ‘Ooh, a policeman stripper. It really is my birthday.’ As he passed I nipped his left cheek between my finger and thumb. He stopped dead in his tracks. I took one look at the expression in his eyes and thought, ‘ Oh no, straight boy.’ Next thing I knew he was telling me I was under arrest for sexual assault.” Barn was released without charge.
Dimwit of the week
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A graffiti artist has been arrested after signing his work in Barton, Oxfordshire.