First of all, sandals are to feet what rings are to hands: they look dazzling, but they also draw attention to their surroundings. This is something British girls often forget. There is no point splashing out on a pair of chunky-stoned Miu Miu sandals, slipping your unloved feet into them and hoping nobody will notice, because — helloooo! — those feet are 99% on show. Wearing sandals without first preparing your feet for public scrutiny is like making up your face, but letting your teeth rot to stumps. They ought to come with a warning on the box: “Must only be used in conjunction with soap and a heel file.”
Which brings me to the next important point about sandals. A pedicure is an excellent idea, but the effect doesn’t last, unassisted, until your next visit. Nor is a quick once-over in the bath with a nailbrush enough to banish rind heels, crusty toe tips or the yellowy tide line around the sole. Apologies if this seems like too much information, but it’s amazing how few of us monitor what’s going on down there so long as our toenails are coated with something distracting.
Laziness is the first enemy of sandal-fresh feet. Lack of commitment is the other. I ventured out last Saturday night in gold Jesus sandals accessorised with stained heels (something to do with the fake cork in fake Birkenstocks?) after realising it would take another half-hour with a pumice stone to shift the problem. Nobody complained, but who’s to say there wasn’t a charming man who took one look at my rear view and thought: “Bit of a slut, and not in a good way”? The moral of the story is: with regular attention, rather than an occasional blitz, you can have pretty feet every day, but if you leave them to their own devices, you will need a weekend to rectify the problem. (By the way, it’s not just civilians who fall foul of the foot-grooming rules. I once interviewed Stella McCartney, and her flip-flopped feet were stained with grass and mud, though that may have been some kind of earthy fashion statement.)
So, there you have it: don’t kid yourself that sandals are a slip-on-and-go option. Vigilant maintenance is compulsory — and we haven’t even got on to ankles and calves.