Osama bin Laden, Arsenal
A biography in 2001 revealed that the terrorist leader used to watch Arsenal in the mid-1990s and bought his son a replica shirt. He probably liked them because of the Gunners nickname or maybe he just admired Ray Parlour’s mullet. There were rumours that the club commissioned a statue of Bin Laden ten years ago but then misplaced it. Have they tried the caves near Kabul?
Omar Sharif, Hull City
Mohamed Al Fayed was quoted as saying that fans could “go to hell” if they didn’t like his statue of Jackson. But did he really say “Go to Hull”? Here an even more tacky sculpture of Sharif, a fan of the Tigers for 40 years, is to be constructed. Critics who have seen the artist’s impression say that it looks more like Angela Lansbury.
Morrissey, Millwall
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He has been seen mooching around Los Angeles in a Millwall shirt — the club’s motto of “No one likes us, we don’t care” apparently appeals to the introspective former Smiths singer. Should he attend The Den for a statue unveiling, he can expect a few comments about where he can stick his gladiolus.
Tony Blair, Newcastle United
The former Prime Minister has denied claiming that he watched Jackie Milburn play (Blair was 4 and living in Australia when Milburn played his last match for Newcastle). While Milburn’s statue is a walk away from the St James’ Park ground, Blair’s Geordie chums are raising funds for a 25ft replica of the PM, arms spread in a Christ the Redeemer pose, to be placed at the top of one stand. Cherubs, their faces modelled on Ant and Dec, two other sons of the Tyne, will dance around his feet.
Derek Smalls, Shrewsbury Town and West Ham United
Divided loyalties with Smalls, the Spinal Tap bass guitarist, wearing a Shrews shirt and a Hammers cap in the rockumentary This is Spinal Tap. “Derek is very confused,” his manager, Ian Faith, said. A statue of Smalls will be placed at Gay Meadow, the former Shrewsbury ground, while West Ham are planning their own tribute by selling foil-wrapped courgettes in the club shop.
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Zippy, Dundee United
The big-mouthed Rainbow puppet is a supporter of The Terrors, according to Geoffrey Hayes, his human friend who has revealed that Zippy was originally blue but was changed to orange to match the football team’s strip. George is more of a rugby league hippo.