There is an episode of Steptoe and Son where Harry H Corbett and Wilfrid Brambell decide they can no longer stand the sight of each other so they decide to divide their house in two. Of course, the results are unhappy for both.
The same story is being played out in the real world: couples who split up, but are unable to move out because they love their house or have children — or because they simply can’t both afford to buy somewhere new. There is even a trendy acronym for the last category: Molcs — Money Over Love Couples.
Kay Crawford and her husband have lived in their Tudor farm cottage near Ipswich in Suffolk for 13 years. But for the past three years she has lived in one half with their 18-year-old son while her husband has lived in the other with their 17-year-old daughter — and now his new girlfriend and her two young children.
The situation works because, soon after they moved in, the Crawfords divided the large house into two in order to rent out one half. They added a kitchen, bathroom and dividing walls to create a self-contained flat.
“Although we’re neighbours, we hardly see each other,” says Crawford as we pass her husband’s front door and enter her part of the house. “We even have separate driveways.”
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Her part of the house has three bedrooms, his four, so there is ample space and relations remain friendly.
“Other people are amazed when I tell them about our arrangement — they can’t believe that people can live like that; and, I admit, it’s not easy,” says Crawford. “There are ground rules and you have to stick by them — like I’m not allowed to bring my new partner back here, I have to go to his place. That is difficult, but it is easier splitting myself than splitting the children between us. But now the children are older, we are planning to sell and get separate places.”
If you wish to divide your house, then, as a bare minimum, you will want separate bathrooms. Your own sitting room and kitchen would be nice. If you want to go the whole hog and install walls and a new front door to create separate flats in the same building, you will probably need planning permission.
It’s not a new phenomenon, and it even affects royalty — the Duke and Duchess of York lived together for years at Sunninghill Park after their divorce because the duchess didn’t like the new house he bought for her.
Debbie and Winston Williams, originally from Hertfordshire, are also in an unusual situation. They divorced two years ago but still share their house. Their situation is compounded, however, by the fact that they live in Portugal, in Lagos on the Algarve.
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“Yes, everybody thinks we are the strangest couple they’ve ever met,” laughs Debbie. “They admire us, but they also think we’re a little bit crazy.
“We had been coming here for holidays for seven or eight years and we finally moved over here about three years ago. By that time we had been married for seven years.”
Six months after moving to Portugal they bought their house. The villa has three bedrooms and as many bathrooms arranged over three floors, plus a self-contained flat on the ground floor, giving them enough space to lead separate lives. Debbie and Winston had planned to live in the house for most of the year and let it during the high season, when they would move into a friend’s nearby flat that he doesn’t use during the summer. “During the buying process we had gone back to England, because things weren’t working out for us, and we got divorced. The plan was that I would come back and run the house, and Winston would stay in England. But we both ended up living here.
“I live on the top floor, he lives on the lower floor and we share the sitting room and kitchen. It’s just circumstances that mean we have to be like this, and we’ve got used to it. We have a rule that if either of us wants to have people back then the other has to agree. But we tend to have the same friends anyway and, although we don’t socialise, we do bump into each other if we go out. If either one of us is upset about anything, we bring it up — otherwise it doesn’t get sorted out.”
Winston can understand people’s reactions: “Yes, sometimes it can feel a bit odd, but really it’s not that much different to before,” he explains. “It’s mostly for practical reasons. I just tell people that we’ve a nice place together and we’re just happy living this way. I don’t understand why people make such a big deal — I don’t see our setup as a problem. People are a bit surprised — of course they are — but I think in this modern world it probably happens quite a lot.”
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But they have had enough of their unusual ménage à deux, and the house is on the market.
“Don’t get me wrong,” says Debbie, “it’s very hard at times. It is not the ideal situation. We are good friends, but it can get difficult between us because we don’t really want to live together. In the meantime we put up with it because we’re in a lovely part of the world. But yes, we’re a little bit strange.”
Church Farm House and Cottage, Ipswich, is on the market for £675,000 through Abbotts Country Houses, 01473 280 645, www.rightmove.co.uk
The Williamses’ villa is for sale for €335,000 (£230,000) with Winkworth, 00 351 916 619 684, www.winkworth-portugal.com