Social network: the Queen’s inner circle of friends

Terry Pendry

The Queen and her stud groom have something very passionate between them: horseflesh. Until recently, Pendry and the Queen (hatless, but wrapped up in an Hermès silk scarf) would go for long hacks across Windsor Great Park. They’d rarely draw breath as they discussed the ups and downs of all the nags in the royal yard. And while the Queen might have given up riding last year, she’s as eager as ever to see Pendry during extended foot tours of the horses. A great royal favourite, Pendry is dashing and funny and really knows his stud.

Lady Pamela Hicks

The Earl of Mountbatten’s youngest child – and sister of Patricia, top right – is a great mood-lightener. Taken as a lady-in-waiting on two world tours for – as the Queen put it – “the occasional giggle”, she was up a fig tree on safari with Princess Elizabeth when George VI died, and so climbed down with the Queen. Lady Pamela knows a lot about the Queen’s inner cosiness. Although the Queen did not write to the Mountbattens when her cousin the Earl was killed by the IRA, Lady Pamela understands that the Queen has had to teach herself not to be outwardly emotional. She remembers writing a note when one of the Queen’s corgis died and receiving a six-page letter back. “A dog isn’t important, so she can express the really deep feelings she can’t get out otherwise,” says Lady Pamela.

John Warren

Ruthless, straight-talking and able to spot a champion horse just by watching how it walks, John Warren (below) doesn’t only hold prime place in the Queen’s coterie, but in British racing. There is much chuntering among upper-class folk about the Queen’s preference for staying with her bloodstock agent above all others. This is not as proletarian as it sounds: Warren is married to Lady Carolyn, the daughter of the Earl of Carnarvon, and their home is an ever expanding manor house on the Highclere estate. He has long had the Queen’s favour – as her racing adviser, he speaks to her every couple of days.

The Earl and Countess of Airlie

Lord Airlie might just be the Queen’s ideal man. He’s old school, debonair and very amusing but, best of all, faultlessly practical. They have been friends since the nursery: one of Lord Airlie’s most treasured possessions is a photograph of him aged 5 scowling as a grinning Princess Elizabeth has a go at driving his toy car. Headhunted personally by the Queen, Lord Airlie was persuaded to take the job of Lord Chamberlain after retiring from merchant bank Schroders in 1984, and can be credited with dragging the Palace into the 21st century with 188 cost-cutting reforms. The Countess of Airlie, New York-born Ginny, was the first American lady-in-waiting. She was deployed to meet the Obamas last year to “make them feel at home” before they were presented to the Queen. Both have the Queen’s ear when they need it – their most serious conversations take place on the grouse moor.

Countess Mountbatten of Burma

Lady Patricia is one of the very few people of whom the Queen stands slightly in awe. She is three times a Lady: she is the daughter of a senior peer, Earl “Dickie” Mountbatten of Burma; the wife of Lord Brabourne; and a female peer in her own right. Described by the Queen as “fierce” when they were growing up, she has been a staunch source of comfort and advice over the years. During the Queen’s annus horribilis, Lady Patricia recalls her coming to dinner and saying wonderingly, “Can you imagine having not one but two daughters-in-law like this?”

Angela Kelly

Blonde, smiley and very approachable, Liverpool-born Angela Kelly did the undoable when she replaced the redoubtable “Bobo” MacDonald as the Queen’s dresser. Kelly understood from the beginning that the Queen must have a trademark look and be able to stand out from the crowd. Kelly can also be credited with computerising the Queen’s wardrobe and jewellery collection, Clueless-style, so that the Queen’s packing list comes down to spreadsheets. She and the Queen are incredibly close; some say she filled the void when the Queen lost her mother and sister in such quick succession. The Queen is known to be at her most relaxed around the small in-house wardrobe team, headed by Kelly. “You hear very unregal gusts of giggles emanating from the fitting room when Angela is about,” says one former lady-in-waiting, while others report having seen the Queen on raucous ladies’ lunches with Kelly and the wardrobe girls at a restaurant in Belgravia.

Margaret Rhodes

Mrs Rhodes is one of the steady Bowes-Lyon cousins who have been such touchstones of sanity for the Queen over the years. A tiny but indefatigable countrywoman, she is the second daughter of Lord Elphinstone, who was married to the late Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother’s sister. She and the Queen grew up together, learning to ride on Balmoral hill ponies and shoot their first stags. When the Queen found out that Margaret’s husband, Denys Rhodes, a cousin of her great friend the late Lord Plunket, had cancer, she moved her into Garden House in Windsor Great Park so that they would be nearer to London for treatment. After her husband died, Mrs Rhodes – who had “digs” at Windsor Castle when she worked at MI5 during the war – never left. Whenever the Queen is at Windsor on a Sunday, she drives her Jag “like a bat out of hell” across the park for gin and Dubonnet and gossip with her cousin after church.

Sarah and William Stamps Farish

The Queen met the Stamps Farishes in the mid-Eighties through Paul Mellon, the multimillionaire philanthropist who was also a thoroughbred breeder on the Kentucky racing circuit. Will Stamps Farish inherited a Texan oil fortune; his wife is a DuPont heiress. Both are laid-back about their friendship with the Queen, with whom they enjoy small (ten-person) dinner parties when she goes to stay with them in Kentucky (although they’ve recently relocated to Florida). They uprooted to London for Will’s spell as US ambassador and held parties at Winfield House, the ambassadorial residence in Regent’s Park. Will impressed with his surprisingly dry sense of humour, gravitas and sportsmanship (in his youth he was an excellent polo player). He is described by a friend as “one of the most influential men in America. If the US had an aristocracy, the Stamps Farishes would be in the top ten.”

Lady Penn

Lady Penn has been at the heart of the Palace set for nearly 70 years. As Prudence Stewart-Wilson, she knew Princess Elizabeth when they were both giddy teens, and went on to marry into a family of courtiers. Her husband, the late Sir Eric Penn, was the Queen’s Comptroller (ceremonial events manager), and his uncle Arthur Penn was the late Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother’s best friend, who always called the Queen “the Colonel” and got away with it. A great beauty in her time, Lady Penn was beloved by the Queen Mother and close friends with Princess Margaret. She has royal secrets coming out of her ears. She knows which of Diana, Princess of Wales’s letters Princess Margaret burnt in 1993, although she is unlikely to spill any beans. “Charming but enigmatic is how I would describe her,” says one of her oldest friends.

Lady ‘Micky’ Nevill

The wife of the late Rupert Nevill, Lady Nevill (born Lady Camilla Wallop) has been friends with the Queen since they were in a troop of Girl Guides. Lord Nevill was the Duke of Edinburgh’s private secretary for a spell in the Seventies and Eighties and was known to have an almost supernatural sense of when the Duke needed to be headed off. Indeed, the couple, referred to in royal circles as the “Little People” because of their dainty stature, were such seasoned courtiers that they were often wheeled in to jolly along otherwise awkward royal functions. “Rupert and Micky had an extraordinary ability to put people at ease with the Queen. Poor things, though – they were deployed for some of the most deadly dull of events,” says one friend. These days, Lady Nevill hosts an annual dinner for the Queen in Chelsea, where she dusts off her old courtier skills and gives an etiquette-perfect party.

Myra Butter

Even without the Queen in tow, Myra Butter has got to be the smartest woman in Perthshire. Immaculately dressed, the younger daughter of Sir Harold and Lady Zia Wernher leads Highland society with brio. Although she was born in Scotland, she has always had a distinctly international vibe (her grandfather was Grand Duke Michael of Russia). She has been friends with Prince Philip since his Gordonstoun years – indeed, her father helped with his school fees – while her longstanding friendship with the Queen is grounded in country and family affairs. “I was at a dinner with the Queen and Myra and heard them chattering… Imagining the fascinating conversation they must be having, I leaned closer and heard it was about smoked salmon and their grandchildren,” reports a royal eavesdropper.