He would have got away with it if it wasn’t for those pesky kids ... This is the week that Lucas’s nice-man mask is well and truly ripped off in EastEnders and it’s Walford Square’s yoof division — Fat Boy, Leon, Zsa Zsa and Mercy — who accidentally come over all Fred and Velma in finding him out.
OK, so Fat Boy doesn’t quite jump into Leon’s arms as they dig out Owen’s foot from underneath Trina’s Tree. But as they’re hit by a seven-month stench that you can practically smell through the telly, there’s a faint, a scream and a vomit that would fit the Hanna-Barbera canon. And the way that they get there is as calamitous as any episode of Scooby-Doo. Oh Fat Boy, when you arrived we wanted a red-button app that would silence every silly slang word you spoke — and yet now you bring us such delights as snogging Denise at a Christian disco, with The Dark Lord looking on?
Yes, it’s Lucas’s moment — he showcases some of his spikiest physical and mental cruelty as he spills his confession to his wife. But it’s also the young’uns week, as we get to see more of their serious sides — even token totty Leon gets a stab at a sob story.
Contenders for next ’Ender to be body-bagged (it’s been months)? Glenda, who really is making Peggy’s last months on the Square prickly, and Becca, who reckons that Bradlina is an appropriate moniker for Stacey’s new nipper.
On which note, get your tear ducts warmed up for Coronation Street. As Becky and Steve head for an adoption meeting, he has his well-thought-out strategy but she’s got something much more powerful — the teddy bear that practically raised her and some heave-inducing stories about the adventures they had. On a brighter note, David’s plans to derail Graeme and Tina’s Rickshaw of Love seem to be falling on oblivious ears. Go Team Grina!