The last time that hens and stags gathered on Coronation Street there was carnage. That monster tram gatecrashed proceedings, taking with it three lives and Rita’s gobstopper collection. As we gear up for this Friday’s double wedding there’s no need for any external force to crash in, because it already has its own one-woman wrecking ball: Kylie (Paula Lane). She knows how to get blood boiling, and she’s not going to let up as she heads for her big day. (OK, so marrying David Platt wouldn’t usually be described as a “big day”, but they’re perfect for each other.) Using her hen-do to trash her own liver, Nick’s bistro and Gail’s ego, it’s no wonder that the two of them pay her to disappear. So will she take the cash and run?
As for the other half of the double wedding, that’s a will-they-won’t-they too. Poor Graeme is set to head down the aisle with Xin. But can he really risk so much — a prison sentence and losing the gorgeous Tina — so that his bride can get a visa? And will sticky-beak Norris really keep his nose out? It’s going to be a busy week for the Street mole on Twitter — follow @norriscole for his real-time nuggets of snide.
Similar tugs of love over in EastEnders. What a happy day it should be as Tam and Afia celebrate their official engagement — there will be a party in Argee Bhajee, washed down with the excellent moral fable, that the geek can get the girl. But, of course, Masood and Zainab rise to the occasion in the most awful of ways.
Tam might just have a surprise for them, if they weren’t so busy insulting his brother (poor Syed, called a “perversion” by his own parents) or doing bodge-job repairs on the curry house. It’s no million-pound tram crash, but there will be rubble, there will be tears and there will be between-the-sheets shots of Tam. Oo-er . . .