Seven's company

Now, we all not only have functional relationships with each other, but go on holiday together at least twice a year. My friends have a good laugh at me — they joke about my “wifelets”, but you can’t underestimate how important it is for children to spend time with both parents properly, not just trips to Pizza Express, and I am lucky that both Jackie and Kirsten understand that well. The only reason why this thing works is because Jackie and Kirsten are the kind of people they are — my role is to be the provider, to ensure there’s enough money around so the times we all spend together can be good ones. The biggest regret in my life is that I left my son when he was four months old. That has largely driven my desire to make sure my kids see their parents together as much as possible.

There has never been any animosity between Kirsten and Jackie, because they are both grown-ups, and it may have helped that there was no overlap between them. Although Kirsten could have been jealous or concerned about Jackie, and Jackie could have been dismissive of Kirsten, it hasn’t been like that. More selfish partners would block the type of setup we have, but the individuals involved are mature and selfless.

I think Jackie, particularly, has been incredibly resilient. Had the situation been reversed — if Jackie had had two more children with another man in quick succession, and I had been on my own — I don’t know how I would have coped. I suspect it would have depended largely on what kind of man he was and how he treated my children.

Jackie’s story

Although I go away with Jonathan and Kirsten, I do have my own life. Kirsten isn’t jealous of me, but I wouldn’t say we were best friends; we just get on with it. When my children are at her house, I remind her to give them their omega-3 every day and to put Stop ’n Grow on my daughter’s nails. But if Jonathan’s away, the kids don’t go there. I also don’t talk to Kirsten about Jonathan. I couldn’t say anything horrible about him, because she’d tell him.

Some men go for a certain type, but Kirsten and I aren’t similar. She’s 10 years younger than me. We come from very different backgrounds: I’m black; she’s not. But, for the sake of the kids, we put up a united front. I’ve just come back from Jonathan’s mother’s house in France. She’ll drop the kids off in Chamonix, where we have a business. It all works very well.

Nor is there any scope for awkward conversations while we’re away. We either go skiing around Chamonix, or somewhere where Jonathan is thinking of opening a bar. So, while we’re away, he’ll often be off doing work things — his mind is always on work, as well as ensuring the family are okay.

I met Jonathan when I was running a restaurant and he was setting up a bar along the road. He didn’t have an office, so he kept coming into our place. I think maybe that was an excuse to see me, but he probably would never admit that. I got pregnant immediately, and that was stressful. Life became all about the business and babies. Friends used to joke that every time Jonathan opened a bar, he had a new baby.

Jonathan works all day every day and throughout the night, going out to all his bars. Looking back on it, I’m not sure about the wisdom of mixing work with family life. I was at home, doing the paperwork and looking after the children.

Was I surprised that he started another family so quickly? Yes! We’d just done all that.

Since we split up, I have dated, but I haven’t introduced anyone to the children. If I met a new partner, I doubt I would bring him on holiday with Jonathan. It would have to be someone I was very serious about. Also, I don’t think things will go on indefinitely like this. The situation exists primarily for the children to enjoy both parents. As the kids get older, I expect things may change.

Kirsten’s story

Other people, especially people who don’t know me well, tend to be more surprised by my situation than they are understanding about it. Am I a saint? A saint or a pushover, maybe — I’m not sure.

When I met Jonathan, I was a media strategist for an advertising agency. My life changed radically because I got pregnant so quickly and then had another child soon afterwards. I was 26 and went from having no ties to having two stepchildren for half the week and then two babies as well. It was a bit like Jack and the Beanstalk: you plant the seeds, and, the next day, wow! Look at that ...

The first time we all went away together was to Jonathan’s mum’s house at Christmas. That situation could have been a nightmare, but his mum views us both as surrogate daughters and is very easy to get along with. Then, Jonathan and I started to go over to Jackie’s house for bike rides with the kids, and they’d come over to ours for barbecues in the garden, and our relationship just evolved.

Having children was the catalyst for Jackie and me to become closer. We are on the same wavelength when it comes to bringing up children — Emily and Jay have turned out so well that I use them as a blueprint for how I’d like my children to be. And it’s great that I can ask Jackie: “Was Jay ever like this?” and get advice.

But it’s not a close relationship. We don’t have chats about relationships or men, and she’s never forthcoming on the subject. I don’t know if she’s seeing anyone. We don’t talk on the phone other than about family or organising events. I didn’t choose her as a friend; it’s just the nature of the situation.

I never feel guilty that I’m with Jonathan and she’s not. She is a very independent, confident woman, who enjoys the situation and the lifestyle she has.