THE Government has decided to get its identity crisis about identity cards over early on. The Prime Minister used to argue that we had to have ID cards because we lived in a dangerous world. ID cards were essential if we were going to stop terrorism, control immigration and tackle the global criminal conspiracies that currently make a mockery of the law.
Whatever you think of ID cards, you have to admit that it sounded rather exciting. It was the eternal fight of good against evil, right versus wrong, Obi-Wan Kenobi taking on Darth Vader. Who but Osama bin Laden could be against such a thing?
Well, as it turned out, quite a few people, not least on the Labour backbenches. And so yesterday, as the Commons debate loomed, the Prime Minister struck an entirely different tone. His big argument is now a little one: ID cards are the sensible thing to do. Their introduction is all a bit dull and boring but (sigh) necessary. It was a housekeeping matter: as tedious as the washing-up but (yawn) as essential.
“I did not go into politics to introduce identity cards,” he told his monthly press conference. Surely this was over-egging it. The Prime Minister loves to slip in these personal references. He is an expert at “doing an Oprah”, where he gives us a peek into his personal side. But this was from the land of self-parody. I do not think that “Reasons Why I Did Not Go Into Politics” is going to sell, especially as no one believed him for a minute.
We then had a show-and-tell moment. Mr Blair whipped out a biometric passport (not, you notice, an ID card). He pointed out the little square chip on it. It did, indeed, look boring. It did not look like a threat to our civil liberties. Or as if it would cost £300. It made you wonder what the fuss was about. This was all wildly suspicious. In politics, if something is called boring, you can bet that it isn’t. Whatever is branded as sensible is most likely to be controversial. It is a combination of wishful thinking and delusion and really rather effective.
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Mr Blair, who seemed entirely too relaxed for his usual self, revealed some benefits of ID cards that were almost soporific. It must be said that, when the Prime Minister does dull, he does it well. I can hear him now, issuing orders to his team. “Hey, you guys,” he says, for he loves to say that, “I need something new on ID cards. I want to bring the temperature down. No more terrorism. No more international conspiracies. It needs to be much more ordinary. You know, something people can relate to but not threatening in any way. If in doubt, err on the side of tedium!” The team delivered.
Yesterday Mr Blair was able to announce, with no need for fanfare, that among the benefits of ID cards was the fact that they would allow us to “access services”. He told us, earnestly, that at the moment we cannot access medical records online. ID cards would make this possible! Plus, there was the possibility that ID cards might allow us to access some information about our driving licences. (No pulses were racing but, don’t forget, that was the masterplan.) Mr Blair said that ID cards would help “people get around more easily”. They were, apparently, like Lollipop Ladies but smaller. Finally, and this does show that Mr Blair has been spending too much time with teenagers, they were a good idea because everyone else was doing it. It all sounded simple — and that has to mean that it is fiendishly complicated.