IT WAS a meeting of two selfless men — one a kidney donor who wanted to know nothing about the stranger he saved as he was afraid of his own emotions; the other “desperate” for the organ but believing it should go to someone younger.
After the surgery went ahead, the pair finally met and could not stop themselves becoming friends.
Bob Wiggins waited three weeks before opening a letter from the man who received one of his kidneys, because he was so scared of the emotional reaction.
The business turnaround executive had always said he was content just to know that his organ had gone to the patient at the top of the transplant waiting list.
Eventually, however, the 59-year-old came to understand how important it was for Terry Clarke, 69, the man who received his kidney, to meet him and a date was agreed.
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The pair have now met twice and, having described Clarke and his family as “delightful”, Wiggins is looking forward to a barbecue with all his relatives on Saturday.
Thanks to the transplant, Clarke, a retired financial consultant, no longer needs to go to hospital for gruelling dialysis three times a week.
On two of the days he now has free, he delivers meals on wheels. On the third, he plays golf.
Wiggins, who is married and lives in Hertfordshire, explained why it took three weeks “to get my head in the right place” even to open the letter.
“I knew there was, all of a sudden, going to be a connection,” he said. “My wife took the letter away from me. She was afraid I would destroy it but, of course, I would never have done that.
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“I did read it after three weeks. It did affect me tremendously and, of course, it was good to know the operation had been successful and he was really healthy.”
For Wiggins, it had been enough to know he had given a kidney when there were not enough to go round. “It seemed like a sensible thing to do. I had two kidneys and I only needed one,” he said.
“I never wanted to know about my recipient. It wasn’t important to me to know who it was or what their personal circumstances were. I wasn’t looking for a relationship with anybody out of this.
“I have tried not to become emotionally tied up in all of this. It was a very matter-of-fact process for me.”
Then he started to think about it from Clarke’s point of view. “I talked with other donors and put myself in the shoes of a recipient,” he said.
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An emotional meeting took place in April between the men, two years after the transplant. Wiggins took his wife, Hazel, and Clarke, a widower, brought his 84-year-old aunt, Doreen Russell.
When the pair came face to face, Clarke said he did not know whether to shake hands with his donor or hug him. They shook hands initially but later embraced.
Wiggins said: “They were both delightful. Between my wife and Terry’s aunt we kept it all very light and enjoyable. Terry was quite emotional. I was still wary of emotional ties. The meeting was very nice.
“We talked about all sorts of things but a lot about motivations, experiences on both sides at the time.”
Clarke explained that his grown-up son and daughter wanted to meet Wiggins, and Russell hosted a follow-up Sunday lunch.
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Next weekend the once- reluctant Wiggins will meet Clarke’s extended family, including his grandchildren. He is counting the days.
Wiggins, a trustee of the charity Give a Kidney, said: “My views are quite changed from my initial trepidation.
“I still hold to my values that it really doesn’t matter who it goes to; it goes to the person who needs it most at the time it becomes available.
“That is all important but, of course, especially if you meet, there is a connection. I cannot deny that I’m glad that Terry got my kidney.
“I am glad that it is someone who wants to give back to society. I am glad that he has a family that can now have a more normal life with their father and grandfather.”
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Clarke, who had suffered kidney failure since his thirties and had already had one failed transplant, said he was “desperate.” Yet when he received the call from the hospital telling him a kidney had become available, his immediate reaction was to tell the doctors to give it to someone younger with a family.
The doctors explained that Clarke was top of the list and the kidney matched and he accepted it.
“When you are in end-stage renal failure you know you are in trouble and you think of the possibility of going abroad, gaining a kidney. There are various things you look at,” said Clarke.
“You think you will pay some money. I had a house that was worth some money. This is against the law. You are desperate. Bob has made my life. I can do anything now.”
Describing how he felt at their first meeting, Clarke added: “I was enormously grateful and enormously emotional — not to the point of crying but it is a very strange feeling.”
According to the charity Kidney Research UK, more than 6,000 people — about 90% of the organ transplant waiting list — are waiting for a kidney. However, fewer than 3,000 transplants are carried out each year and almost one person a day dies waiting for a transplant.
Wiggins’s operation was carried out at Guy’s and St Thomas’ hospital trust in London by surgeon Nizam Mamode. The kidney was then transported to St George’s Hospital, also in London, to be transplanted into Clarke.
Mamode, clinical lead for transplant surgery at Guy’s and St Thomas’, said: “The fact that Bob and Terry have formed a friendship is testament to the special bond between them and shows how altruistic donation can truly transform lives for the better.
“I have the greatest admiration for altruistic donors like Bob. His enthusiasm and commitment to helping others is nothing less than inspirational.”