This just in from the Treasury . . .
We’re all getting envelopes full of cash to cover our terrifying bills?
Afraid not. It isn’t that kind of spring statement.
Then of what nature is it?
Fashion, of course.
Oh, come off it. Is dishy Rishi at it again?
Yes — and this time it’s his wrists that are garnering attention.
Why? Some sort of Apple Watch? A Rolex? Tattoo?
Bracelets.
Wasn’t expecting that. Jangly ones?
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Hmm, no. I’d say more . . . ropey.
Oh, I see. Man bracelets.
What do you mean by that?
I mean the dark-coloured rope and metal iterations that some heterosexual men may feel more comfortable wearing than, say, something with sparkly charms.
Yup, that accounts for one of them.
Knew it. The other?
It’s light pink and looks to be made of string.
Any significance to it?
Yes — it is traditionally worn by Hindus to signify protection.
So not just something he bought on the beach in the Maldives, then.
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No.
I’m surprised there isn’t a festival wristband on there too.
He’s saving that for the autumn statement. Rishi Sunak is definitely the kind of man who would leave his festival wristband on for six months after the event.
Deffo. He’s a Wilderness man for sure.
With glamping.
Just one question: why do we care so much about what he wears? Shouldn’t we be focusing on what he’s saying — presumably it is quite important?
A compelling thought that also crossed my mind. But, you know, female politicians seem to cope with it.
True. I’m sure he can too.
This article was amended at 9am on March 23.
