Oh Penny, you are dreadful
Hello, is that Hugh Grant? Get round to the Daily Mirror straight away because there’s been an outrageous breach of privacy (and Lord Justice Leveson says he can’t go because he’s washing his hair or something equally important). The paper has revealed that Rod Stewart not only licks his wife’s toes but also likes to canoodle in the back of their car. There is no information, by the way, about what their chauffeur makes of it.
And who is responsible for this terrible breach? Oh dear . . . it’s Penny Lancaster, the wife in question. “In the beginning of the relationship, when you’re having a go at all sorts of things, [he did] that sort of in-between the toes, which feels nice,” she told the paper.
Not only very sensuous but also a marvellous way of tackling athlete’s foot.
A jab in the armpit, Katie? No sweat
If you do not wish to read about Katie Price’s sweat glands — and, frankly, who can blame you? — please look away now. The Sun claims she’s been having Botox injections in her armpits to stop her sweating.
“The last thing she wants is for her fans to see her hot and bothered on TV,” a “source” told the paper. “The injections will ensure she looks her best at all times.”
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Show us your legs, Harry
Prince Harry has admitted that he wears ladies’ clothes — no, honestly. He told Chris Evans’s Radio 2 breakfast show that he wears tights to keep warm on his motorbike, but only at weekends.
The Sun, gleefully reporting this revelation, printed a helpful picture to show what Harry would look like in stockings. If you imagine Prince Harry, but in a pair of stockings, that’s pretty much what he looks like. All clear now?