DON’T blame your rapidly fading fortnight in the sun or your less than sunny Bank Holiday. Going back to work highlights what most of us knew before we even packed our factor 15: we hate the office.
Is it surprising that 46 per cent of thirtysomethings hate office life, while 65 per cent of us experience office rage? We accept working regimes, though admittedly more splendid salaries, that earlier generations would balk at. We’re also under more pressure to be considerate partners/ model parents/sociable friends. Today’s office world just isn’t life-friendly.
From tedious training courses and ugly office design to the horrors of commuting and work as the new religion, there are many reasons to hate the office.
Reason one: Long hours. Just because half the company works late, why should the rest of us feel like shirkers? It’s not surprising that we resort to minor acts of rebellion like slinking to the toilet in our coat and saying that we may be some time.
Reason two: Colleagues. Who, when they were 6 years old, ever said: I want to spend 40 years of my life wondering what value-added knowledge capital is, surrounded by people who watch Bargain Hunt? Be honest.
Reason three: Jargon. Try as they might to convince us that there’s a purpose to what we do — vision statements about global penetration — we know we’re being conned.
Reason four: Bosses. They might not look like David Brent in The Office, but this doesn’t mean that they don’t have hare-brained motivational schemes. They just won’t be as funny.
Reason five: Meetings. An increasing number are scheduled at ridiculous times. The breakfast meeting has us desperately trying to say something intelligent to the chief executive: “Can you pass the cornflakes, please?” While the evening meeting brings on a mixture of resignation, “not much point in going home now”, and starvation, “can I have half your Polo?”
You’ve considered alternatives such as downshifting (eating lentils and making wind chimes) or going freelance (euphemism for unemployment) and found them wanting. But look on the bright side: at the next away day in a budget hotel on a traffic island off the M25, no one can hear you scream.
Malcolm Burgess is the author of 500 Reasons Why I Hate the Office, published by Icon Books. Order it from Times Books First for £9.49 (free postage in the UK). Call 0870 1608080 or visit www.booksfirstbuy.co.uk