Linda Gratton (née Spencer) asks what surname one should use after a divorce?
Your name is formally the name that you chose to adopt on your marriage. It is the name by which you are known officially to the bank manager, the telephone directory and the world at large. I should stick with it, if it is the name with which you feel comfortable. Custom and usage will work out a way to distinguish between you and your ex’s second wife, if there is to be one. It is the responsibility of your ex and his new wife to work out the onomastics, not yours. Call yourself by the name that suits you. It would be better for all concerned if you could communicate with your ex, and live for the future, not the past.
PH
Jo Howarth, Tunbridge Wells: “All that is ‘correct’ in the use of one’s married surname after divorce is to continue to use it if you want to do so. After the divorce from my stepfather, my mother has retained that surname, even though she had no children by him.”
David Agress, Newport Beach, California: “Forget the new wife. As it’s your wish to do so, and certainly in the interest of avoiding the bureaucratic tangle attendant to changing names on every piece of legal identification which applies to you, you should retain your married surname. If the day comes when you remarry then, hopefully, the happiness you’ll find as the new Mrs ABC will more than compensate for those XYZ name changing headaches.”
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Readers are invited to send their responses to this week’s question by September 24. A selection will be printed in a fortnight.
I am getting married. My parents have been divorced for more than 20 years. The wedding will be held at my mother’s home and she is paying for the entire event from soup to nuts. My father will be at the wedding but I do not want his name to appear on the invitations as he refuses to share in any of the planning or expense. What do you think?
Sheila Keane, Oxford